And Now We Are Black?

The elementary school has this great school wide project where each student draws a picture of their family, and this picture is hung up around the school. It's awesome to see everyone's families "hanging around" and really makes it a community. So I was really excited when we received the assignment for us to create this picture so that our family can be hung up and be a part of the community.

"Ok Madi! Remember all those pictures of the kids' families hanging in the school? Well it's your turn now to draw US!" So exciting!!!
"Ok Mommy, anything?"
"YES, anything," so I left her to her creation.
After about 30 minutes of really hard work she comes to me "Mom! I'm done! Do you like it?"

I had no idea what to say. It was great! The details were awesome. I could see how she was growing with her drawings, she drew me and her with longer hair and Tyler and her father with shorter hair and we all had clothes on....but we were all brown. It was really really cute and I loved the pictured. But as I wrote our name: WONG on the very top with these 4 very brown people below it just made me giggle really hard! This picture will stay with us until they leave...in the 5th grade! At some point we will be asked if we are really a black Chinese family...LOL!

I did not bring this to her attention but I do find it funny. You have to understand that when I was at that same elementary school with predominantly Jewish children and other than my 2 cousins and 2 other kids were only chinese kids in the school. So I grew thinking I was Jewish and boy was I in for rude awakening when I did not get Bat Mitzvahed! And to be Chinese on top of that! Awkward!!! and now my daughter in one picture has made us THE Black Chinese family of Newton MA. Thank god I am now 36 and can handle it :)

Cutting the Umbilical Cord...again.

It's done initially when the kids are first born when we are at the hospital, at home, in the car, side of a highway or wherever you happen to be when your bundle of joy decide to join you in this world. You then embrace this child into your bosom and he's yours to raise, to love and to protect. You are his protector, his shield. In the protection of your home he's fine.

Then some of us send our prized possessions out to daycare and the cord is then cut again so to speak...but even then you still have some control. These people are being paid and you have choice of where you place your child and you can choose to place your child in a lower ratio environment so that your child continues to receive the attention and protection he needs right? or some of us choose to get hire a nanny and that's even better! don't really need to cut the cord again, you just get an extension. phew!

Ok, so then we get to preschool. We bring them into the school and and the ratios get a little higher and what ?! they are NOT THE MOST important but 1 of 15 in the class?! and we find that when they come home they may not be wearing ALL the layers they went in with and you learn to adjust and accept and to breathe. And we cut the cord...again. We need to let them grow up. We walk them into school and we pick them up. We make sure they leave us and into the hands of the teacher and then back into our arms, all safe. Great.

Now we are in Kindergarten. Ratios are higher. WAY more kids in the school. Bigger and rougher kids and mine are just babies! Reel that cord back in! In fact, back in the womb! We walk to school every morning and we walk to their lockers together and they get unpacked and a kiss and into the classrooms and they are safe. Ok. snip! cautiously...but I'll cut the cord again. Today, the principal comes down during drop off and announces that she thinks it's time that parents should think about letting go and letting our kindergartners...OUR BABIES...come to school ON THEIR OWN! DROP OFF AT THE DOOR!!!! Cords back on and reeling...They may be ready...but I'm really not sure if I am ready. These are my babies! It was only last month that Tyler shoved all his stuff into the wrong locker!

I need to come to grips. I know I need to cut the cord for good. I know I have to let them go and be big girls and boys. I didn't cry the first day of kindergarten, but I just might cry now! Maybe I can let them go in and I'll sneak around and make sure they got in ok? I'll probably get discovered by a teacher and they'll call security and have me arrested, I'll have to crawl through the vent space. Note: need to diet now so I don't get stuck in the vents!!!

Dora saves the Day!

It's Monday morning and a week away from Madi and Tyler's big birthday party. Can I use it for leverage to get just 1 good week out of them? Tyler I'm not so worried about, Madi...she's the one I would love just 1 good week out of. "Madi brush your teeth." no answer. "Madi, brush your teeth". no answer. "Madi, your party is cancelled". "ok! ok! just one minute and I'm only brushing the bottom ones." This is going to be a long long week.

So we're standing in the bathroom and after much debate she brushes her hair and I'm applying some make up so I don't scare the whole entire schoolyard and I matter or factly tell her, "oh I got an email from Santa." "What Santa say?" "Oh, nothing, he just wanted to know what Tyler wanted for Xmas." (I'm watching her reaction in the mirror and she thinks I'm just applying makeup) "what about me?!" "I dunno!" and her face was so angry!

and then we had a mini prego pause...and i said..."oh gawd Madi, did you get on the naughty list?!?" "NO! i didn't!" "well I dunno..maybe he'll email me later...that's weird" and we let the subject drop.

Later on downstairs she brings it back up and then she tells me, "well mom, I don't care if I'm not on Santa's list." "You don't?!" "No, cuz I know Dora will fix it." I think blood was streaming down my lips as I am biting down so hard to keep from laughing so hard. "What are you talking about? How is Dora going to fix it?" "Well mom, Dora saves Christmas all the time, didn't you see it last year? so don't worry, Dora will save Christmas and I will be on Santa's Christmas list."

Hmmmmm....I hope someone emails Dora this! This girl thinks Dora is going to save her....does she even realize that both Dora AND Santa don't exist?!?! Boy will she feel stupid when she's 12!

When does the "filter" develop???

So it's been crazy which is why I haven't written..but I just had to share this.

This morning my neighbor has an emergency and asks me to take her son up to school when we go, not a problem since he's in Madi's class. Madi hears this and starts to groan "that kid talks so much! omg!" Is this girl serious?! This coming from a girl who won't shut up sometimes...yet has a speech delay, go figure! So our little friend shows up and we're still getting our coats and shoes on for school so our friend waits for us to get dressed and we're in the mudroom area connected to our garage and the garage door was shut. So the kids are chatting away. They talk about how they have a garage too and Madi tells him that the other night we were watching Dancing with the Stars and the results of the election and "mommy doesn't want, um...what's his name mommy?"

"who madi?"
"you know that man you don't like when we were watching Dancing with the Stars?"
"Barney Frank"
"yeah Barney Frank! cuz now my mommy will get fired!"
I laughed and said "No, mommy won't get fired, but it's not as good for mommy's work"
"Yeah! We don't like him!"
And she tells all this to the poor kid she complains talks too much and who probably didn't care what is good for Madi's mommy's job!

So we finally finished, coats, hats, gloves, shoes and the garage door opens so we can walk to school.

Well, the minute the door opens we see Lou.

Tyler to our friend "do you know Lou?! He's annoying right?"
Madi to our friend at the same time "we don't like Lou!"
Our friend...well let's just say the poor thing's head was spinning I think.

Kids can be so cruel, it's awful. But then again there are kids who are annoying and deserves it...

So just in case Lou didn't hear what they said really loud about him, they chased him up the street saying they won't play with him anymore. Thank god Halloween is over I really don't want our house egged!

Do I look cute?

Madison comes home yesterday and tells me "Brad" (the Brad Pitt of kindergarten) is really cute. Her and her girlfriends, "Izzy" and "Annie" also think so and yesterday "Annie" started calling him sweetie pie. After she tells me this info she giggles! Then she tells me that the three of them hide behind chairs and calls for him and when he looks they blow him kisses. This is all really cute and innocent and I find it quite funny...other mothers not so much.

This morning we get up and I found a cute outfit to wear to school, she had informed me that she would like to look cute for "Brad." So we get dressed in a little corduroy skort and v neck sweatshirt with matching tights. And then her hair was half up with a matching hair tie. She checks herself out in the mirror and asks "do you think "Brad" will think I am cute?" I tell her I think "Brad" will think you look HOT! She giggles and says he would never say that and I said well yeah, he may not say it, but he will definitely think it! He's gonna think "OMG that Madi is soooo hot!" and she giggled.

For the rest of the morning and during our walk up to school she kept asking if her hair is ok. I'm probably creating a monster, BUT the way I see it at least if I am participating with her game then she will continue to confide in me. This way I'll know what they are doing in school. I bet the other mom's probably don't know half this stuff going on with their kids being interested in the opposite sex. "oh no! my kid is not like that!" yeah right lady! your kid is the worse! LOL!

I am a true believer of giving my kids that space to learn on their own and guide them, but not be overbearing. Overbearing can backfire and result in rebellion. I want my kids to be comfortable coming to me and telling me things that happen and what they are doing and I try to stay neutral and just listen and chat with them. If I judge them then they will start to hold back and not tell me things that are going on. Don't get me wrong, I don't let my kids run wild and let them string toilet paper all over your trees, I will gently guide them as they tell me things, but we need that trust level.

Same ol' sh*t, different day...

"There are only 2 of you, you only have 1 brother and you only have 1 sister, why do you guys have to fight the minute you wake up?!?!" asks my mom. Oh wait! That's NOT my mom yelling at me and my brother, that was ME yelling at Madi and Tyler! A little disturbed that the words my brother and I used to hear from my mother's mouth are now coming out of mine.

"Mom! Madi touched my toast and I am not going to eat it!"
I walk over and there Madi was with this sh*t eating grin on her face. argh! I look at the clock, 7:20am...really?! Are they serious??? So I give my first warning. Why do I bother? before I even issuing said warning they are already at it again. As I stand there looking around I wonder..."what am I looking for?!" and I start to laugh because it's only 7:20AM and I want to slam my head into a wall, preferably brick! Knowing my luck I won't die and will just lie there and will still hear them fighting over my body in a vegatative state. "Ok, separation time. Madi eat in the kitchen and Tyler in the dining room."

So they continue to eat in separate rooms...but I hear talking. Not yelling or fighting, but they were just chit chatting...FROM SEPARATE ROOMS! Help me understand. So they can communicate nicely from different rooms but not from the same. It apparently got tiring for Tyler because then he actually got up and stood in the doorway to chat with Madi. He doesn't enter the kitchen but just stands there and chats and they are fine.

And why do I have to ask 45 times for Madi to come down to breakfast? or for her to change? or to brush her teeth? I've sent her to school with no breakfast thinking she will starve and learn her lesson, but nope. She informs me that she was fine. Argh! I've told her that she will go to school in her PJs and she eventually changes, but on her own time. This girl is just relentless! She then has the audacity to ask me why I am so mean to her?! um hello! I start off nice, but after the 40th time of saying please come down for breakfast, the niceness is just no longer there. Or they will come down and I'll say something about them taking so long and not listening and they respond with a "my bad." I just want to ring their little necks but at the same time fall over laughing!

These kids will have me in the loonie bin soon...I hope they serve good food there...not that I would know the difference, I'll be crazy!

And we have a FIRST KISS!

How excited and proud was my son when he came home on friday afternoon? I knew something was up when I saw his face, he had this smirk all over it. I didn't ask because I know "Mega-mouth Madi" would tell me any minute, so I waited. Only 5 mins later I was trying to make sense of the story that was coming out of their mouths.

"Mommy "Annie" kissed Tyler!" Madi tells me.
"Get out! Really?! Why did she do that Tyler?" I ask.
"I don't know, she thinks I'm cute or something" Tyler explains.
And then I let the subject go to rest.

Later on, when I was helping Tyler get into the shower he tells me more...the juicy parts.
"Mom, there were THREE girls chasing me. They are in Madi's class. They think I'm cute!"
"Wow Tyler! That must be exciting! So how did "Annie" catch you? I know you run pretty fast."
"No, mom "Annie" runs REALLY fast!"
"oh?"
"ok, I let her catch me."
"why did you do that?"
"because she's kinda cute. And then she kissed me! on the head!"
And the whole time he was telling me this story, he had the cutest smile on his face. How sweet puppy love is. And so life moves on. I don't want him to have a big head :) so we go on to sing Dancing Queen in the shower.

These bath times are so precious. This is when my kids will have these "Oprah" moments with me. So now it's Madi's turn. Madi tells me that her and her friends, and yes they happen to be the same ones chasing my son the playa playa, talk about kissing,

"Mommy, today at school, me, "Annie", "Izzy", "Serena" talked about kissing. Kissing on the LIPS"
"Oh? What about kissing?
"I don't know. Well, "Annie" kissed Tylah"
"Yes I heard!"
"and Izzy wants to kiss "Justin""
"oh really? just "Izzy"?"
with a coy smirk she answers, "yeah...just Izzy"
That's when I found out there is a "I love "Justin" fan club in the kindergarten class amongst a few of the girls. Who could blame them though, "Justin" is just adorable and all the girls have a crush on him. He's the Brad Pitt of kindergarten.

Wow...this is only kindergarten. What will happen when they go to middle school and then holy cow high school?!

Note to self: save all the hair falling out of my head now and save it for a wig for myself. Will need to wear that for their high school graduation.

Loser!

Boys will be boys. Does it help that husbands and dads are also boys? No. So Tyler comes home and tells me that "Lou" calls him a loser at school and tattles on him all the time. We see "Lou" often and we often walk to school together, and when he gets together with my twins they are like an old married couple...or in this case threesome? (ew!) I try to explain to Tyler, with Madi lurking around the corner listening to everything I am saying, that "Lou" doesn't really understand what that means. Well, quite frankly I don't think Tyler really knows what that means, but that it's just not nice. So I try and explain that he should try and just ignore him and play with the other kids, but of course that's hard to do. My husband, Tyler's father, hears me talking to Tyler and "training him to be a wimp" and takes over. "Tyler, when he does that to you again put your finger up to your forehead like this (forms an "L" with his finger and thumb and holds it in front of his forehead) and tell him HE'S the loser.

So the next morning we leave the house and run into guess who...yup! "Lou" and the first thing my lovely twins do is put up their little "L's" in front of their foreheads. I wanted to laugh so hard but his dad was there and that would be immature of me. So we're walking and Madi does not give it up, so I say "Madi, we don't talk like that, please stop." "Yes mom! remember dad showed us last night?!" "No Madison, he did not." "Yes he did mom! remember?!??!!? remember??!?!!?" and as the responsible parent I denied denied denied. Oy! I should have let the act go and just said yeah it's true. and told "Lou's" dad that yeah, your kid is a jerk and if he doesn't watch it Tyler will kick his ass...that was the me in horns sitting on my shoulder talking...

Ok, so true, it's not physical fighting...just with words...but still!!! So how do we deal with this? And I realize that we can't. This kid comes from a family of losers. I realized this this morning as I watched his father imitate one of the "cool" baseball coaches of little league and was trying to befriend some of the older kids...older meaning 3rd and 4th graders. And as we walked down the hall and other kindergartners were greeting Tyler by name no one noticed "Lou"...at all. But how do I explain to Tyler that "Lou" is just acting out maybe...perhaps, out of jealousy? I can't.

And we have the mom. Drives me insane. She has all these thoughts of what a great parent is...of course THEY are, and she coaches me on how to handle Madison. I really wanted to tell her that perhaps she should handle her son who is a total loser and will get his ass kicked if he doesn't man up! But no....I will bite my tongue.

Don't get me wrong, the kids are all really cute. But there will always be a kid or two who are not so cute and they came from SOMEWHERE right?! And I would never say a kid is rotten or a loser unless he/she does something to one of myt little cubs...then it is ON. Bottom line, it's really hard for kids to grow and adjust and learn what is socially accepted and how to behave and make friends...but it's also just as hard for the parents. Some parents ARE losers and their offsprings will just be shit of luck! Do you remember the kid in school who just got picked on and laughed at just because he was well, a "loser"?, well that kid grew up to be the adult that STILL gets laughed at...only not in his face.

My Beloved Daughter....when will she learn?!

I know she's young, but good lord the things that comes out of her mouth. it's been a while since I've updated this...so we have started kindergarten which is why I have been just so busy trying to get us in a routine.

So before school I had to return some stuff I thought we would need and I brought the twins with me. We get to the counter and the girl asks, "Was there something wrong with it?", I answer "no", Madison pipes in with, "my mommy has no money." Thanks Madi, that's not why I'm returning it, but yeah...mommy has no money.

Trying to teach them not to say something and trying to explain it can be hard. Because they always choose to pick the most public place to say..."is it ok for me to say that mommy?" and of course 9 times out of 10 it's not polite and probably offend the person they are talking about and they asked me so loud that the person hears...

We start school finally and the first 2 days were pretty hell-ish. The first day Madi cried like she was brought to a torture chamber. It was pretty hot in there though...I think I lost 2 pounds by just standing there and add a screaming 5 yr old who kept running circles to avoid being caught. All the kids stood there and watched. So I calmly told her "look Madi you will make new friends and play new games!" and she screamed back "NO! I hate them!!!". That's a nice daughter I have...oi vay!

The 2nd day was the first day with the whole entire kindergarten class and maybe because I forgot to point out that she will be sharing a locker she FLIPPED! We get to her locker and the little boy was there with his dad. I introduced myself and Madi and they did the same. My beautiful daughter took 3 steps back, gave the little boy looks that shot out lasers and demanded that he "get that stuff out of THERE!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T want them THERE!!!!!!" and was completed bullshit! The poor little boy was so scared, his dad was scared and I wanted to melt into a pile of crap that the janitor would just sweep away later on. She refused to take her backpack off and put everything away in her locker. So we went in to see her teacher, because I couldn't do it anymore, she's the teacher and it was 8:30, so Madi is her problem now. And they figured it out and Madi shared her locker.

When we returned the next school day we got there first and boy was Madi excited. The girl seriously took all her stuff and spread it out all over the locker leaving the little boy no room for his stuff. I was horrified that she would do this AND had this evil giggling going on as she was doing it! She knew she was wrong because I did consolidate everything back into her side of the locker so her lockermate had room and although she was not happy she dealt with it and has been all week.

Let me just leave you with this..."Madi, if your classmates were mean to you and no one to play with what would you do then?!". "Nothing! I just do something by myself!"

Marriage

Why are my kids SO obssessed with marriage?! Tyler especially is constantly talking about getting married. We could be doing laundry and he will start in on marriage. I tell them that they should never get married and just stay with mommy. And they look at me like I'm crazy and they smile...kinda like "boy is SHE in for a rude awakening!"

Tyler has come up with this great compromise. He tells me that he promises to "still come home mommy after I am married." and that's when I want to come up with a smart answer like "only if you don't bring that tramp of a wife with you" :) but I know better now and didn't say anything but smile. After all I AM 36 and he's 5.

So we are now into our 2nd week of school. I hear the kids talking about Tyler's "girlfriend" and I play along. "Is she blond Tyler?", "no, brown hair", "is she pretty Tyler?", "yeah she's hot". well ok then! and then "how old is she Tyler, is she in your class?", "no she's older". Surprise surprise, why I am not surprised?! That's when Madi chimes in with a "I think she's 18 mom." I am a bit stunned and asked, "are you sure?!?", Tyler clarifies it all, "NO! I think she might be 16 or something". Oh ok! 16 is ok! When will my son "fall" for someone maybe even in a 5 year range of him???

So I walk into school with them yesterday and all of a sudden Madi goes, "MOM! she's right there!" and I look over to see a very pretty young brunette in athletic gear (apparently an intern for the phys ed department) and I look over at Tyler to see him trying to be inconspicuous and walking a big circle around her and staring at her the entire time he was doing this. Poor kid needs some tact lessons. So I asked Tyler, "is that your girlfriend Tyler?" "yeah mommy! see I told you she is wearing a cast!" and she was and yes that was part of his description of her to me at home.

Whatever happened to getting good grades? My son is just girl crazy and wants to play basketball, soccer, and football. He told me yesterday that he was going to be a "soccer man" when he grows up. Which is fine, but even "soccer men" need to be able to read and write and count his money. I also am hoping and praying that this older woman trend comes to and end soon. I really don't want to be collecting social security alongside my daughter in law, or we can take turns using our senior citizen discount at McDonalds and taking Tyler out to lunch. Or if we were both in wheelchairs...who would he push? or push off?!

Imagination Play

The imagination of children makes me laugh so hard. Listening to them play together and come up with "great" ideas brings smiles to everyone's faces and many times will bring many to just holding onto their tummies from laughing so hard.



It's also funny how these "new" ideas are old ideas and something that's been done and played generations before. and it's funny how our cultures always end up being a part of the play. My parents have been in the country for over 36 years now and I was born here...so my kids are even more removed from "being chinese" than I was, yet with their friends they played "chinese restaurant"...just like I did as a kid. Why do we do this? although I have to say as these kids become more and more advance at a young age and are more "mature" with their thoughts they do throw in interesting twists and turns. So as they play "chinese restaurant", Madi reports to me that Chloe's grandmother dies! so now my mind is running and wondering OMG! Did she really die? or is this make believe? So I must have had that look on my face of utter horror and confusion at the same time and that was when Madi tells me, "no mom. It was a stick." As if THAT was going to make sense to me! "No mom, the stick is the phone, and someone called Chloe and said her grandma died". "ohhhh..." Now I'm really confused...i realize it's pretend play but did she really die?

Do I ask or don't ask? And what are my kids telling their friends if this is how imagination play is now? Are they telling their friends that mommy has died? or their grandparents have died?! and btw, very much frowned upon in the chinese culture. If you had said that to MY grandmother I might as well have killed her myself! I guess chinese people don't believe that sometimes words are just words.

So back to imagination play as we have just digressed a bit...chinese kids play "chinese restaurant", what do jewish kids operate when playing restaurant? do they have delis? and the Indians...do they all operate seven elevens?

Curious MInds...

These questions are just getting harder and harder everyday. I listen to my kids chit chat with each other about "serious" and then when they hit a bump in the road they ask me. Lately, the discussion has been why I married daddy...

"Mommy, why you marry daddy?
me: "what do you mean Madi?"
M: "why did he want to marry you?"
me: "I'm not sure"
M: "well...were you wearing a dress? Is that why he asked you?"
me: "yeah, I think so..."

Then they discuss amongst themselves and Madi explains to Tyler: "Tylah! Mommy married Daddy because he asked her. He had to say Mona will you marry me? and mommy said yes!" Tyler: "ohhhhhhhh"

That was this morning. Then they go to camp and come home and I immediately shower their sticky little bodies and Madi asks...

Madi: "Mommy, what are these"
Me: "nipples"
Madi: giggles and asks "when will mine be big like yours?"
Now I never knew she thought my nipples were so large, not that she's seen them, but she was referring to breasts. and I tell her when she gets older and then she asks if I would get her a "nip ball case" when her's are larger and I agree.

Then we have a couple of hours in between before I realize the kids are chatting again. They are now talking about nip ball cases and how mine is pink and how Madi would like a pink one too. Then they ask daddy, "Daddy, do YOU need a nip ball case?" Are you going to buy one? and they run off giggling.

And as I proceed to sign off, my husband is saying something about going to Dick's (sporting goods store) and Madi is now saying to her self, "dicks, dicks, dicks, dicks..."

Do we do WHAT?!?

Finally the day has come when my husband had to field one of the difficult questions in life and yes he ran like a mouse that was in a dark room and the lights all of a sudden came on. I was working late as usual and had a client on the phone when he comes running in and trying to find a pen and paper so he could write this down. All the while he was laughing so hard and trying to just tell me instead of write it but hello?! I had a client on the phone.

I finish my call and he tells me that Tyler has asked him..."Daddy, do you and mommy have sex?" dun dun DUN!!! What?!? how does he know this? is this another spongebob thing? Does Spongebob and Patrick have sex? or is it Squidward? or the snail that meows like a cat? and of course because Kevin runs off laughing and trying to tell me what was just asked the kids now know it's causes a huge reaction and is loving this and will continue to talk about it because it makes us laugh. Granted I probably would have laughed too, but then it needs to be addressed and of course he had no clue and so again the job was left to me.

So we sit down at dinner and we talk about what happened at camp and who were their new friends, etc, etc. So I bring up the question and said "Tyler, what did you ask Daddy again?" and he says "um...do daddy and you have sex?" and I ask "Tyler where did you hear that?" and he tells me Luke. Luke is a boy who was in his preschool class. "Tyler, do you know what that means?" and Tyler and Madi look at each other and laugh and he proudly tells me "thats when you and daddy hug and kiss" and he puckers up his lips and they both giggle away. So I don't tell him if he's right or wrong, but i do tell him that it's inappropriate for kids to talk about, only adults. He does ask me why and I told him that it just is.

Whether or not it's something he had heard from preschool is unknown...however it isn't something discussed at home, nor on the programs that they watch. Unless Dora has taken to a new sport with Diego? but Diego is her cousin! that would be gross no? Or it could be Ni Hao Kai Lan and her little monkey friend Ho Ho? As we enter elementary school they will start hearing stuff from the older kids and it is now hitting me that I am really in for a ride...maybe the bars will go up on the kids' windows sooner than I had planned...

Learning to Forgive

So summer camp has started...amen! and the kids like it there, feeling their way around, and sticking together. I want them to try and be independent, but oh well, I guess they are still young and they need to look out for each other. We have recently had some incidents and I'm trying to teach them to be able to forgive someone.

Last weekend, a neighborhood friend came over to play outside with them. And here's how it went down told by Madi and Tyler.
T: "we were playing frisbee, and I was aiming for Madi"
M: "yeah Tyler was trying to throw it to me!"
T: "and then Ben won't stop talking"
M: "yeah then he pinched Tyler!"

So Ben was brought home. The kids told me this story and Tyler runs off crying because he was pinched. Madi walks around the house saying, "I don't know why Ben did that! why mommy? Tyler! why Ben did that?" and this goes on for 5 mins. Finally the crying stops and I say maybe he pinched Tyler by accident and that accidents happen. "No" Madi tells me, "Ben pinched Tyler and next time he comes here I will tell him, NO PINCHING!" So I said "No Madi, you will not say anything. You need to give your friends 2nd chances everyone gets chances, maybe it was by accident!" And Madi insists on having this talk with Ben. She also reassures Tyler that she has that plan and how they will address him when he comes back again. Instead of making this into a bigger issue I let it go...maybe they will forget.

So we start camp yesterday and Tyler reports back that a boy kicked him with his shoe. So I asked what happened next and Tyler said the boy apologized. "Great! That means it was an accident" I explain to him. He says no it wasn't and that he'll never play with that boy. That's when I say "ok guys, sometimes when you guys are playing, other kids may hurt you by accident, not on purpose, but they apologize and you say ok and it's done. You are still friends and you just keep on playing. This is called forgiving someone." "No", Madi tells me, "I don't want to forgive." "Well Madi, what happens if YOU hurt someone by accident and they don't want to play with you?" and the girl responds with "Then i don't play then! I just walk away!" Now I'm racking my brain and I think of her Preschool "love". "ok, how about if you hurt Danny by accident and you say sorry, but Danny says no and doesnt' forgive you, won't that make you sad?" "No, if he doesn't want to play with me then I walk away and play with someone else!"

In my head I'm thinking that's my girl, don't give in to a boy just cuz you like him. But they are so tough on other kids and holds these grudges! Where is this coming from??? Granted if someone kicked me in the head I'd be pissed, but if it was an accident then it's an accident! And poor Tyler, he's listening to all this. His sister is definitely more adamant with this whole forgiving vs. not forgiving thing so which side will he end up on?

I also pray for the kids who crosses her path as she starts her career in school. When we hit those years in middle and high school, I have a feeling this blog will be much busier...well if I am not in meetings with the principal all the time!

Note to self: need a movie that focuses on forgiving and how that whole concept works.

Help me help you!

As a parent you just know your kids. You know what they are thinking and you know what they are about to say...but also, everyday your child is changing. They are learning new things and picking up new language and skills. There are times when I really think I should have been issued a muzzle after I had given birth because I do know a lot of the inappropriateness comes from me.

My kids hear me saying every morning as I get dressed, "god I'm getting so ridiculously fat", or "I need to go on a diet", or even "now if this part was gone and or flat...". I realize now that every morning after the kids are dressed they check themselves out in the mirror which is fine, but there are some days where I pick something out and either Tyler or Madi will say, "no mommy, that makes me look fat." So once or twice ok, but now I think I've created monsters. Tyler tells me he doesn't want to touch chicken skin as it will make him fat. Yet all the candy and ice cream they inhale doesn't seem to be an issue...

So please....help me help you and save yourself from some embarassment!
So we try not to talk about it. The real problem is when we go out into public. THEN there are many "I wish I was dead" moments. So we are at the beach and please ladies! just because the string bikini is in your size...doesn't mean you should be sporting it!!! Help me help you!!! My kid sees this hideous sight and will call you out on it and say, "Mommy look how fat that girl is!", or maybe "Mommy! Her bum bum is so big!", or if you are a bit too revealing you will hear, "mommy I see the girl's nip balls!" So please I beg you...check the mirror before you leave for the beach. This goes to you even if not going to the beach. If you don't want my kids to point you out, please dress appropriately!

This also goes for bodily functions. My angels will call you out. I will never forget this day...we were at Bloomingdales and Daddy actually took Tyler to the bathroom. They went into the beautifully decorated posh bathroom where there are 2 private stalls. The heat was at full blast...not sure why, perhaps men do their business in the nude? So anyways, my husband takes Tyler into a stall and then it hit. An "odor" wafted by and Tyler screams out "OMG Daddy! Someone's taking a dump! OMG I can't breathe!" So in between laughter Daddy manages to get Tyler out of the bathroom where Tyler continues to go on about someone taking a dump in there and just how badly it smells. I have to say thank goodness the "other man" if you will, did not come out the door because otherwise EVERYONE in Bloomingdales on the 2nd floor near the men's shoes would have known what he had just done in there.

If you have gas and you feel the need to release, besides the fact that it is just polite to go somewhere private, but if you see my kids around you BETTER find somewhere private. Otherwise, my kids will not only yell out, "Peeeeeeee UUUUUUUUUU! someone farted!", but they will discuss amongst themselves trying to figure out who did it. My kids are part greyhound so they WILL figure it out and then they will not ask you, but ask each other, "did he do it Madi?" or "did he do it Tyler?". No mysteries go unsolved.

Calgon...vats and vats of Calgon please!!!

7:20 AM and I am ready to commit myself. We had just dropped off Dad and it's my day to work all day and grandma and grandpa takes the twins for the day so we were on our way there for drop off. That's when it hit Madison that we will not be home today so she can not watch "Big Time Rush" on the DVR and she went ballistic. Crying at the top of her lungs and I ignored it. Went on my way, stopped to get gas and could hear my precious little monster screaming inside the car as I was pumping the gas.

Now I'm getting angry, I told her that she will not be going to the beach AND all episodes of Big Time Rush will be erased. "NO!!!! So sorry mommy! I am sooooo sorry!", "Madison, when someone is sorry for doing something they don't do it again (unless you are a man)", "ok mommy! I can't help it!" She can't help it...really? What makes these little girls tick? It has to be so exhausting to be so difficult.

I get these outer body experiences if you will and see myself trying to handle the situation and the grown up part of me knows how to handle it, but then there's the other side of me who just wants to be just as immature and throw my own tantrum and push back! So we get to my mother's house and she throws herself on the couch and begins to cry. Tyler and I ignore her and go on our way until she started kicking the wall. Today is trash day and I just wanted to leave her by the curb...I mean we JUST had the talk about tantrums and listening. She told me it's because she's hungry. This girl is for real. She's hungry. So I said hang on and we'll have breakfast soon, she gets angry because I can't just pull breakfast out of my ass at the snap of a finger and a wiggle of my nose and begins again. At this point I lost it. I had to get out of there...so I gave Tyler a hug and a kiss and left.

I felt awful leaving, but I had to get out before my head exploded. I sit here and just wonder how will I survive until she is married and someone else's problem? and you know what I really don't understand how parents are afraid of regression when there is "trauma" in a small child's life like a new sibling is introduced into the family. You hear about older siblings wanting to go back into diapers. Or something is going on in school and they start peeing in there beds. Well what about ME?! What about the "trauma" I am going through? does this mean it's ok for me to start peeing in my bed, or perhaps I started crawling so I don't have to cook, clean and work anymore? CALGON!!!

And the Oscar Goes To...

Her talent is really being wasted, I am her only audience to her inspiring performance of "dying with boredom". Not that I am counting, but only 18 days until camp for 2 weeks...we get up this morning, great morning, the kids have some quiet time and play with their legos in Tyler's room. They come down for a little breakfast and then we take daddy to the train station and we come back home for a couple of hours before my parents take them for the rest of the afternoon. That's when IT started.

We were in the car and Madi made Tyler angry and so then Tyler taunts her and says she still pee pees in her bed so she swings her arm over and hits him in the arm. He instantly busts out crying with tears the size of quarters running down his face, "Mommy! Madi hit me!" and slaps her back. Now we are at war. I sit there and wonder..."wtf?!", do I open the door get out and just run down rt 9 until I can't run anymore? I know I wouldn't get far...and I'd probably still be able to hear them. I'm numb not knowing what to do, I'm just too drained to be dealing with this so early in the morning.

So we get home. I tell them my standard, do not play, look, talk, or breathe at or near each other. Everyone to their own rooms. So Tyler runs up and shuts his door. Madi goes up and sits in her room and the slow death begins...she was screaming and crying and yelling and I really expected to walk in and see her head spinning like "The Exorcist" and green crap would be flying out at me from every direction. I "ignore" her as best I can, but of course one really can't ignore all that screaming and crying but I don't react to it. She's yelling out, "OMG! I just can't do this! I am sooooo bored! OMG! I'm done! Can I come out now? is my timeout over?!?" so I remind her calmly "Actually Madison, your time out doesn't start until you be quiet and calm down." "Wahhhhhhhhhh......what?!? I can't do this Mommy! i'm so bored! I can't sit here! MOM start the timer!!!!!" And this goes on and on and on. The tears! the drama in her voice. She totally beats out Susan Lucci as Erika Cane.

Believe it or not this goes on for an hour. Short for her...sometimes this can take a couple of hours. and I think to myself...crap this is when I become my mother. I hear her saying this to me and my brother when we were younger. "There are only the 2 of you, why do you have to fight like this?!" These are the joyous moments of motherhood when I want to just ram my head into the wall repeatedly until the pain just goes away. I look at my little angels, my bundles of joy...my miracle babies really...and they are so cute, so precious...with horns hiding under their hair!

Oh Shit?!?

It has been just insane to say the least. Work has been crazy busy and the kids have grown into these new animals. Being able to work at home a few hours with them here requires a lot of tv, toys, popsicles and/or ice cream cones, and candy. Then I would just have to deal with the sugar rush later on. Yesterday was one of the few days I had where my parents take the kids for me so I can work in peace.

So as I am working and the clock is ticking and dinner time is approaching, I run upstairs with my laptop and continue to work and field phonecalls as I am preparing dinner so that it's ready when my kids and husband get home. Sounds like a lot right? because it is! oh and did I mention there are 2 loads of laundry cleaned, but just needs to be brought up as well? Ok, so we're all home we have dinner and I go to clean the dishes...and this is when IT happened.

I am doing the dishes when I hear Tyler bawling from the bathroom. Just flat out bawling so hard, his little big head was turning red from the crying and his father...well his head looked like it was going to explode as well! I run up there to find them both in there and I'm trying to find out what the problem was, Tyler couldn't speak because he was bawling and his father was yelling and I couldn't understand. After a few minutes of this I find out that there is crap all over Tyler's hands and his t shirt...Holy Shit...literally.

His father continues to scream and yell and Tyler continues to cry. I look at this scenario and just wanted to punch him right in the face...not Tyler's of course. Ok so yeah it's gross, but our kids don't make it a habit of playing with their crap and this is the first time ever that this has happened, does he find out why? NO! Why is it that you leave a man to deal with a situation like this he just can't deal? So I finally had to scream to get him to listen to me and made him leave the bathroom. I got Tyler off the toilet, took his t shirt off and threw it in the tub and got Tyler to the sink to wash him off. Then I cleaned up his t shirt and made sure the area was cleaned. So ok admittedly, it was NASTY and I'm not sure how it really happened still, but there was crap even on the tiles on the wall!!! So I asked Tyler what happened and he told me he had to "take a dump" and there was a humungous ant on the roll of toilet paper and it scared him, and he didn't know what to do. That's all he would say, I still don't know how there was crap all over himself.

After getting cleaned up he went back out to the livingroom and his father seriously asked him if he had washed his hands with soap. Really?! So I told him no, we gave his hands a quick rinse under some cold water, it should be fine...and life goes on. Not sure what all the drama was about, but that was about 10 years off his life not mine.

Holy Gawd!!!

Today was THE DAY...I should have known something like this was going to happen. To say that this week was incredibly crazy is an understatement. I was so busy with work, my phone was ringing off the hook, not that I am complaining, but I don't have anyone to watch my kids on Thursdays and Fridays so I fend for myself. I normally manage ok, and in the past 5 years I have managed well too, but it's like all of a sudden these kids have just become these crazy kids!!!

So we start off our morning ok, we woke up, gave them our "plan" and proceeded. Had breakfast, then off to the supermarket to gather all the ingredients for our cookout tomorrow...thinking back now I should not have agreed to host a bbq for my in-laws...what was i thinking? but it's the holiday weekend, so ok, and I'm making my efforts to keep the peace...and I digress...so anyways at the market my kids were their normal crazy selves nothing out of the ordinary. Although, Madison now just talks too much, when I asked the produce man for zucchini and he was going to go get it, Madison follows and says "No, No, you don't have it!" I don't even say anything anymore...I just don't have the energy.

Then we get home. I got all the groceries unloaded into the kitchen and the kids wanted to play outside....so after stalling for a bit to put some of the stuff away, I allowed them to play outside in the backyard as long as I could see and hear them. It was a beautiful day and I had all my windows open, the kids were playing with their supersoakers getting themselves all wet and just having fun. It was beautiful. I had a call from a client so I told the kids I can see them but will be on the phone for a bit and they said ok and continued on. As I am on the phone in the kitchen with my client, I look over and realize...IT IS RAINING IN MY DININGROOM!!!!! I run over, client in tow on the phone, and shut the window. I look out and see Madison with the hose spraying the water at full force right into the house. Did she think she was a firefighter? I could not even breathe!!! I finished my phonecall, and pulled them right in the house. She was confined to her room and she didn't fight me...she knew she was in deep shit. There were PUDDLES on my diningroom table, my laptop (thank god closed) was all wet, the napkins in the napkin holder were soaked, the chairs had puddles, and the carpet was all wet. I didn't know if I should cry or laugh.

After a good 10 mins in her room she was allowed to come back out, but all tv privledges gone and absolutely no "Big Time Rush". So she lays down on the couch and takes a nap. Wonderful, so I go down to my work area and make some calls in peace. Tyler plays on the floor next to my desk quietly...wow isn't this great? Then we go up to get some lunch. AFter lunch we come back down for something and I was HORRIFIED.

My precious baby boy Tyler, who could really do no wrong had taken a black marker and decided to practice writing some letters....ON THE CARPET. He did this while I was on the phone. What is wrong with these kids?! Are they on drugs? Am I feeding them too much processed foods? What is it?!?!? I just couldn't believe all this happened all in one day.

So we are all in the car and their father had come home now, and we were running a couple of errands and he was lecturing them about how disappointed we are and perhaps Madison should go and live on Shutter Island (our new threat, she saw a commercial and it freaked her out) and Tyler gets no X Box. Then he says well i didn't buy you guys gum today because you did not behave and Madison, my lovely daughter replies, "well, anyway, I don't want gum." So my response to that was dinner. After such a day and feel like the heroine in one of those violent movies who comes away scratchfree from an explosion...well I actually probably look more like a zombie with one arm barely attached, head crooked, hair all disheveled and eyes crossed...and again I digress...so after such a day and after that answer from Madison, my response was dinner. i felt like sushi and damn it i will get sushi. The kids love sushi too...well i've only given them cooked stuff, but they got none tonight! and boy were they sorry. YES! Finally! 2 points for mommy!!!

please don't say THAT!

How do we teach our kids to not lie, but yet there ARE times when you just can't tell the truth either. And yes sometimes the truth is not nice, so we shouldn't say the truth. And so then we as the parents are caught in a moment like that what do we do? say? or in Madi's words "we just do nothing."

We were at the Met Bar and Grill for dinner tonite and with our luck we ended up with a new server. She was a pretty young girl and Tyler immediately took a liking to her and started his "flirting" tactics. He started to blurt out just random things and making a little fool of himself, but that's ok because he's 5 and so he's still cute...and of course she giggled, partially out of nervousness and partially because he's a damned cute kid. This thrilled him. The server was new and things were a little slow and of course Madi let it be known that this was taking too long by saying "what's taking so long?!" This is when I do my obligatory "Madi, that is not nice" and laugh it off. The dinner was one of the most awkward because our server was so nervous and clumsy. I became annoyed as it really was taking so long and so when she came back to collect the dishes she asked madi "how was your chicken was it good?" and Madi looked at her and calmly stated, "NO." I had to bite the insides of my cheeks to keep from laughing. I didn't do my obligatory please ignore her statement and let the poor server squirm. She stood there looking at Madi and just didn't know what to do. Madi proceeded to tell her, "it's dry, there is no sauce." and she continued to stand there. After a few minutes of the most pregnant pause she left. Gotta love my daughter.

So we walk into a store. The girl who helped me was very pretty and had a beautiful figure with very large breasts wearing a tank top. When I went to pay for my purchase the kids were giggling...and Madi says "yeah! I see her nip balls," and they both ran off giggling. That's when I realized that Tyler liked her too and nmust have told Madi that and why he liked her. I REALLY wanted to die right on the spot. Thank god the girl didn't understand what the kids were talking about so I quickly paid and ran off.

So with my very blunt children in tow I was a nervous wreck taking them to a movie. We went to see Toy Story 3, but before we went there we made a stop at CVS to get some candy. I know this is frowned upon, but please, I know I am not the only one. I paid $5 for a whole bunch of candies and you would have to pay $5 for single box at the theater. Sorry, but I feel that for a family of 4 to go to a matinee movie, with 2 large popcorns and 2 large drinks and have to spend $55 for it is a little extreme...so yeah I am bringing my own candy! Going in I was a wreck becuase I was just waiting for the kids to decide to tell everyone there that we went to CVS and she got a whole bag of bubble gum (she woke up with a dry underwear which got her any candy she wanted for the movie). So I had to explain that this was our secret and that they can't tell the movie people...Kevin had to add in that the police would come for us. Great idea, let's scare the crap out of them. That's when Tyler chimed in and said, "yeah yeah I know, uncle Tony told me that already." (Uncle Tony has taken Tyler to a movie just recently). I am happy to report though that we got in perfectly fine and ate all the popcorn and candy we went in with.

I am thinking for the next year I may not be able to take them out in fear of what may come out of their mouths...

Killing Me Softly...or well with my kids, not so soft.

It must be so hard to be 5. The need to be entertained all the time, not sure how to act in certain situations, the need for attention...all 5 year olds need a therapist. It's day 8 of school vacation...advice to all you new mom's out there..CAMP! I didn't know and didn't get them into enough of camp, it's expensive, but it will save you money in the long run, in therapy sessions alone!

These kids stick by me like a shadow. We wake up in the morning, "ok what's the plan mommy?" Preschool was great, but it has taught them to need that structure and being a working mom, sometimes having no structure IS structure! But ok fine...structure. I went and bought workbooks, crafty things, etc. what I didn't expect was for some of these projects to take less than time than I thought, so what do I do with the "extra" time?

So I have become creative. It is wicked expensive to have to take them out all the time for workshops like Plaster Fun Time, Chuck E Cheeses will only suck more money out of you, and playgrounds. Playgrounds are free, but the kids get bored of hte same equipment, so I end up driving all over creation trying to find something "fun" and that "fun" will last about 10 mins. I have found that they like to "help me". So my new creative fun is cleaning house.

We use swiffers to clean the hard wood floors and then we vacuum, dust and polish the glass tables and mirrors in the house. So much fun right?! I can't wait until they are old enough to use real cleaners and get into the real fun of doing toilets and the bathtub. So much to look forward to. What silly little people.

Now what else can we do besides playing clean house? A few times I've even had us out in the yard and I would trim down all our bushes and had the kids help me clean up, it was so much fun. My husband came home to find the bushes in the yard bare...it was pretty naked, and didn't have control of my muscles in my hands that night from all that. But at least it killed an afternoon right? ok...what else?

Well, we can venture out into public, or maybe a playdate? In either situation I always end up wanting to just melt into a heap. See when my kids get nervous they start to get diarrhea in the mouth, as I like to put it. They get nervous in public and shy and so to try and compensate and hide the nervousness, the diarrhea of the mouth kicks in. "Mommy what's that?" and point to the zit on my face that I tried to desperately hide with cover up. And I'll respond with a "it's nothing honey", and try to divert their attention. "Is it a zit mommy?" at this point I'm praying for the flames to shoot up from the floor and melt me.

Or we'd be at a playdate and the house we are at is gorgeous with more toys than a toy store, a beautiful playground and yard and the kids would climb up on my lap. I would ask, "why aren't you guys playing?" and Madi would respond "cuz this is boooring, and I'm hungry." I am so embarassed I just want to slam my head into the table. Hungry?! They JUST ate before we went over! and all those toys and a jungle gym...they are bored?!

What else can we do to entertain these kids?!? This is why I have no sympathy for Kate on Jon and Kate plus 8. Her job was to play with her kids and let people film them and they were making millions. Us normal people have to work AND play with the kids, but we are not making millions. She had nannies and all these places to take those kids, again they were actually paid to take the kids to those places. Don't be surprised if you find a mini mansion built in my backyard because of one of my great ideas to entertain the kids one day...

Who Said That?!??!

So there I was in bed with the tv on and the kids relaxing next to me. This is our little ritual before they hop into their own beds. My husband comes into the room with his laptop on and on a page for something or the other and walks by us...

"You really have to stop spending money, you spend too much money, you should save it for us to go to Disney World!"

Who said that?! It sounded like something I would say, but it wasn't me! It was Madi. The girl is like a sponge. Totally called her father out...not that she's wrong, but how hilarious. Not something I've ever said to her but she must have heard us talking and was listening without us knowing. The timing of the whole thing was fantastic, she sees him with the laptop on a screen and BAM! he must be buying something. Nothing gets past her.

The bluntness and the honesty of my daughter is wonderful. We had taken a day trip to the outlets in Maine and I had said to my husband on the drive up "I didn't want to invite my mom because she'd be making us stop constantly for the bathrooms." so we go on with our day, forgetting I had even said that in passing. We get home it's late and everyone's tired so we all go to bed. The next morning my mom calls to see how the trip had gone and when she was speaking to Madi she teased her by asking why we didn't bring her along with us. So, Madi responds by saying "because you go to the bathroom too much!" So I immediately got on the phone and had to do some damage control immediately. Oi vay!

There is no filter and she will say whatever comes to mind. Now that it's summer and hot out, my father or brother are topless at times and if you ask her for a hug she'll say, "put on a shirt first, I don't like your nipballs!" and the questions! "Why is that lady so fat?" or if we see a young child doing something that they really shouldn't be doing, my Madi will tell me this so loud that everyone within a mile radius could hear.

My favorite is when we are in an elevator. How many times have we been in this situation?! The other person in the elevator is wearing perfume or cologne so strong that you feel like passing out. My beautiful daughter would say, "Mommy, somebody STINKS in here! Who is it?!" and of course it would just be me, Madi, Tyler and the smelly person in the elevator. These are the times I treasure, cracks me up and to the stinky person...serves you right to wear something so stinky!

Dying and Gone to Heaven

My twins had the pleasure of actually knowing 1 of their great grandmothers, they still have a set of great grandparents and a couple of great grand aunts. My grandmother lived fairly close to my parents and between me and my parents we would let the kids ride their little bikes over to visit their "bak bak" (great grandmother in chinese). So my twins were seeing her fairly often since birth and were fairly close to her...as close as possible for an elderly great grandmother and her great grandchildren.

So when she fell ill and was hospitalized I brought the kids to visit when it was possible. They understood that when people are very sick they go to the hospital and the doctors work very hard at making them feel better. She unfortunately never went home, she went to a rehab hospital and then back to the hospital and back again to rehab where she passed away. So then I was faced with the issue of whether or not I tell them. They were asking everyday if she was feeling better and I didn't know what to tell them or how to explain it. They were 4.5 years at this point and after much thought I decided to bring them to the wake and funeral. I know my grandmother was probably so pissed that I brought them, but I feel that it's a part of life and although 4.5 yrs is young, she was a part of their lives and for her to just disappear would not be great either.

It was obviously a very sad day, but with the kids there it just made us laugh...their curiousity I think helped to make everyone not feel as sad. So we had a wake for my grandmother and it was open casket. As we, the immediate family, lined up to enter the funeral home, and the emotions began to build up in me and tears started to fall, Tyler and Madison are wondering why everyone is crying and then they see the casket. Tyler pulls at my hand and asks, "mommy, why is bak bak in a box?!?". That made me laugh and I made me cry harder partially from the saddness and the other from my laughter.

So I explained that we were here to say good bye to Bak Bak because she is going to heaven now where she will be healthy and happy. The kids looked at me like I had lost it.
"No mommy she's RIGHT THERE!" now my brain is smoking from trying to figure out what to say to them. I was hoping they wouldn't ask questions. Then Madi asks "why is Bak Bak so red?!??!" (the funeral home did not do a great job on her make up, so yeah, she was kinda red), so I had to say it was just make up. So throughout the night they had questions and asking the same ones over and over. I had stopped answering some of them and the two of them would just discuss amongst themselves.
Madi: "what is taking so long? why are we just sitting here?"
Tyler: "ohhhh...I know we are waiting for the airplane to bring bak bak to heaven"
And this seem to have satisfied them. We got through the rest of the night and finally it was time to go home. In the car the kids were discussing "issues" again.
Tyler: "but where is Bak Bak's airplane?"
Madi: "oohhhhhh...I know. Bak Bak is going to go to heaven in her box. It's like a rocket ship, and she will blast off! into heaven"
Madison and her class were just finishing a unit on space, planets, and rockets. It's good to know that she can apply what she learns into the real world outside of school. So instead of confusing them I just let them think that yes, the box serves as a rocket ship. That's what my parents and I call a coffin now too..."I would like a shiny rocket ship when I go..."

So the next day services are finished and we go to the cemetary. We do our last rituals and then we are asked to bow our heads as the coffin is lowered into the ground. The kids try and sneak a peek, but we kept their eyes covered...or so we thought. After we get back into the cars Tyler asks, "I thought heaven is up?!"
I answered, "yes it is, past the clouds"
"No mommy, then why did Bak Bak go down?", the kid totally calls me bullshit!
"No Tyler she did not go down." I insisted.
"Mommy, I saw Bak Bak's box go down!" he stubbornly continues on.
This was when Uncle Tony saves the day.
"Tyler, do you remember when the man told us to bow our heads?" my brother reminds him.
"yes..." Tyler says.
"Well didn't you feel it?!?!? my brother asks him.
"Feel what???" Tyler asks.
"The rumbling! you didn't hear it?!? Bak Bak blast off into heaven like superman!" Tony explains. "So she's not in the box anymore!"
"ohhhhh!" and Tyler accepts this explanation. It was ok that my mouth almost started bleeding from biting my lips and the sides of my cheeks to keep from laughing.

Death is such a hard topic to explain to kids. What is really great is that with the chinese customs involved it confuses them even more! There are 2 chinese "holidays" each year where we are to go to the cemetary with offerings for our loved ones who have passed. We bring food and pastries, wines, incense, money (similar to monopoly play money), and flowers. We get there and lay everything out, burn incense and then we burn the money into a tin bucket. Burning the money into the next life where our loved ones are so they have money to spend. The kids never ask questions, thank god...but then how do I explain this...

We were at my uncle's grave and we turn around and there was another family at their family member's plot and they are doing the usual and burning incense...all of a sudden these 2 doll like figures are brought out. They are made of paper with brightly painted on faces and clothes and were about the same height as my kids if not taller...and then they stuck them in the bucket and began to burn them. There were large flames and these dolls were just burning away...OMG! I have never seen this before! Are these people freaks?! I'm thinking great how will I explain this? They didn't ask thankfully, but they stood and watched the whole thing and you can tell they didn't know what was going on...trust me, their mommy didn't either. So I asked my mother wtf was that?!? and she explained that sometimes people will burn those into the next life to serve as servants. WTF?!?

I know a lot of people would have disagreed with me on bringing the kids to the wake and funeral, and although I know there is some confusion, I am really glad I brought them. I don't want death to seem like such a secret topic...it's a fact of life. Kids have to deal with issues just as morbid and serious as death everyday, we have to warn them about strangers, why there is racism and how we deal with it, and then how about other mean children...it's a scary world we live in and I think opening up our childrens' eyes is important for them to succeed and be able to embrace life.

The Roommate

Ok so those of you who are always googlie-eyed over your husbands please take your rosey glasses off. I find that being married and having a husband is pretty overrated. And yes, I am bitter! Don't tell me this doesn't happen to you...

Here's the scenario: You've had a hard day at work (whether or not you work from home doesn't matter) but you still had to juggle your kids' schedule...oh and did I mention the load of laundry you have to do because your kids are about to have to do the reversible underwear trick? The kids have not been cooperating, but finally they are involved in some activity. You're not really quite sure what, but there are no sharp objects, nothing poisonous, and there doesn't seem to be any blood so you move on. Get whatever work you left hanging because you had to pick the kids up and then start dinner. God forbid dinner is not ready and even if not for him, the kids need to eat! Then he comes home and throws a hissy fit. Why is the house such a mess?!? Are you not paying attention to what they are doing?!

Stop! Right there is when I seriously would not mind commiting murder. I could probably claim temporary insanity because you know what? I WAS INSANE! He then goes on and asks, "what have you guys been doing all day?!?!" That's when I would have gone for the juggular. To avoid any fights I swallow all the words I want to say...and that's a lot of words, so I stay quiet. What I really wanted to say is "Nothing asswipe, I've been sitting at home on my fat ass eating bon bons while these children, who I'd like to remind you are your offsprings too and carry your name!" Then he'll say "you left them alone while you made phone calls didn't you?!?!" and you know what? That would be a partial yes. They weren't alone, they were playing in the playroom and I made a call to a client...aka: working.

He has now earned the title of Roommate. No longer husband. When I hear women say things like "oh, he misses the attention you used to give him," that makes my blood boil. Is he a dog? What about me as a mother? What about the attention I used to be able to give MYSELF?! He vacuums every Sunday, and he acts like he was asked to build an entire compound in one day! And he bitches about it. Tells us how hard we make it for him because the house is a mess. Am I suppose to APOLOGIZE?!?! Is he serious?!? I just want to turn on the vacuum and suck HIM right up and toss.

My favorite was when my grandmother, may she rest in peace, used to announce to people when we were at a family gathering how competent and great he is. Takes such great care of the family. I was only standing right there. Or she would just tell him to his face with me right there. Now I understand it's a different generation, different mindset...but how irritating! Whenever this used to happen I wanted to turn to him and bow and just thank him profusely for "taking" me in and "giving" me these beautiful children and a home to live him. I mean I should right? I mean I sit at him shoving my face with food watching every soap there is while he's out working so hard to provide for me.

When I rule the world, there will be no marriages until AFTER you have kids. THAT'S when you see the true colors...true colors of your husband, and the...dun dun dunnnnnn....MOTHER IN LAW. And that's another entry on it's own. It needs to be treated delicately which is why I have not shared my thoughts yet...

no...no....NO!

So it's been quite the crazy week, even crazier than normal with all the end of year activities and then those activities from the week before postponed until this week due to weather, so end of the year has just been dragging on and on and on...let's put it to rest already!

Tomorrow is the last day of school. Not just the last day of school, but the last day of Preschool. As I'm driving down the street taking my little cherubs to school and Madi is listening to Big Time Rush for 457th time for the day and Tyler bitching about it I'm thinking my babies are going to Kindergarten! Will I cry? I will certainly miss their teachers, I know they are safe there, these are my babies ya know!? And even though all the commotion was going on in the back seat of Tyler bitching at Madi and Madi belting out Big Time Rush tunes I wasn't bothered.

THEN it hit me, Tyler is so po'd, he's just ready to kill her. Why?!
"Why are you so mad Tyler? What happened?" I asked.
"Madi keep looking at meeeee!" he reports.
And to piss him off even more she sits and just stares knowing he's not liking this. And so he retaliates and stares back.
"Don't look at ME!!!" yells Madi.
"HA HA" answers Tyler
That's when I took control like a mad woman and scream, "Don't look at each other! Don't talk to each other! Look out your own windows."

After tomorrow the kids will be home for the whole month of July before 2 weeks of camp in August. Will I survive? What time does the liquor store open??? Ok, so I shouldn't drink since I'll be their caretaker, how about them? Can THEY drink so they pass out? how does one entertain 2 5 year olds??? I miss those days when I leave them on an activity mat and they just stare and laugh at the stupid star that lights up and plays music...although I do hate that song now and cringe when I hear it. Is that song worse or Big Time Rush?!

And then how am I going to deal when one wants to play outside and the other wants to stay in? How about if they both stay in and I go outside?! Or when Madi criticizes Tyler's artwork? "Um, Tylah, that's not good coloring you didn't stay in the lines" and then Tyler does retaliate by saying "wuteva", but then it eats him up until he explodes and then we end up in a tantrum. I am so excited for these priceless days with my little bundles of joy.

There are only 2 of them and they should be overjoyed that they have a companion, someone to talk to and to play with...what is the problem? I'm starting to hear my mother talking through my body and it's making me a little bit ill. I will never admit to it, but she was right all those years my brother and I fought. But these guys are twins! There should be a bond between them, they are suppose to at least LIKE each other!

I really think even a vat of Calgon won't help me this summer...

Our "Garden"

I realized for the past 2 years now that kids in this age group really do like to do adult things. "Helping" me do chores around the house makes them happy and they really like to "grow" things in the yard. Nevermind that it takes me double the time to clean the house even with 2 extra sets of hands, but it keeps them busy and not fighting so we do it. A garden...maybe that will be a great project for us...

So that's when I said "Ok, we will start a garden." I thought, how hard could this be? There's dirt in the ground already, step 1 done. Then I just shove some seeds in there, step 2 done. And add water and watch it grow! This will be a cinch and I'll be saving money by not having the landscaper do it, sorry Frank. And my life as a "gardener" begins...

So the first year I bought some annuals and put them in a planter, it was a really big planter so we had to buy extra dirt and I had the kids scoop all the dirt into the planter, took a while and kept them busy. Then I put the flowers in and BAM! How beautiful! The kids stood back and admired their work and they both were so excited to have "pwanted the bootiful fowers." So sweet. We would water it and watch it grow and admire it whenever we left the house and came home (it was at the front door). Then I noticed, boy the plants aren't looking so hot anymore why? Oh only because they were drowning...argh! The planter did not have holes in the bottom to drain so it was just not going anywhere. Note to self, be sure to plant stuff in pots with holes.

Now in the back yard we planted a bunch of stuff that would just eventually shrivel up into a brown pathetic little thing once it realized that they are no longer safe with someone who knows how to care for them, but they were not at the my house where theya re guaranteed to die. What's more sad are my kids! They didn't realize that the shriveling up and turning brown so early on in the game was not a good thing and bless their little hearts they would still get so excited..."Mommy! Look at the fowers growing!!!" and I would have to play along, "I know! You guys did such a great job planting them" and they both go off running so excited to tell someone who would listen. The poor things...admiring their dead plants. So I gave up for the rest of that year.

Now THIS year was going to be different. See that last year we had also planted some phlox and those grow under ANY condition! You can't kill them...so you think! So this year I was expecting a whole patch of phlox to bloom and some daylilies to grow back and bloom. Here we are, mid-June and NOTHING is blooming. So I drive through the streets and looking at homes and their landscaping and EVERYONE else is not only blooming, but their plantings look like explosions of colors! Then I come home to my brown pathetic looking things.

We also tried planting strawberries. I got some bulbs and the kids dug up holes and uh oh....which end of the bulb is up? So after consulting the kids we just decided to throw them in and hope for the best. After a few days, there was nothing obviously, then a couple of weeks go by and still nothing...but some weeds. "OMG! The strawberries are growing!!!" My precious babies think that we have managed to grow strawberries, how do I tell them that no there are no strawberries coming out of there? So I pray that they forget and so I divert their attentions to something else. Tomatoes. So now I have 2 tomatoe plants and they are still green. That's all I can ask for. Tyler brought home a beautiful bean plant they started to grow in school, now yellow. Is my thumb really THAT black? My poor children just wants to be able to grow something in our yard...please help me goddess of gardens!!!

As I pray that something grows so I can see the my kids' excited little faces I look out the window into my yard...and there's a dead bird in front of my window. Oi vay!

Someone Cute Must Be Around...

I'm really not sure how I'm suppose to react to these things. I mean it's really cute, but then it's also so embarassing. I am talking about flirting. Not ME...but my kids and the way they are affected by the opposite sex.



So we have Tyler, my manly 5 year old womanizer. He's always been fascinated by breasts as are all the other little kids in this world, normal. But then he takes it a step further. This school year he has taking a liking to older women...I mean he 5 and she 25! At first it was cute. He had a huge crush on Madi's teacher, whom we shall name Abby. She was #1 gal, then we had....let's name her Betsy, and last but not least, Cindy. So he comes home and tells me he has 3 girlfriends and tells me their names. So I go to school to see who these little girls are...well I knew about Abby, then I find out the other 2 are assistant teachers of his! All VERY pretty and a bit younger than me, but MUCH older than him. OMG, my future daughter in law will probably be my age!!!



One day Abby scolds Tyler and so he dumped her. So now we have 2 girlfriends, probably a good thing because I could not keep up. My son not only thinks they are his girlfriends, but he is a stalker! There has been many instances in the hallway and we'll hear their voices and he would know it's them and "hide" in the hallway to watch out for them, or if they are around, he'll hide in a corner and watch them. But see this isn't even THAT embarassing, does he really know what attraction really is? I mean it's normal to have crushes on your teachers and maybe they just happen to be cute...



Or not. So there has been a few instances that I didn't even realize what was up until now and I'm piecing together the puzzle to his oddities. A couple that sticks out just makes me laugh so hard. We were at the Ralph Lauren Store in Maine and I go to purchase my items, I wait in line and the kids were being silly, but the silliness seem to have intensified and it's mostly Tyler doing some crazy antic that is making Madison laugh so hard. I didn't think anything of it, so when it was my turn I go to the girl and give her my items and the whole time Tyler is going back and forth behind me doing crazy little dances, singing songs, etc. After I paid and walked off, he's STILL there and the girl is now laughing and watching him, that's when it hit me. My son was actually trying to flirt with her! And Madi knew it! He must have told her that he thought that "she is gorgeous" (all his girlfriends and girls of interest are gorgeous to him) so she's watching all this and laughing. I stood there watching him...he's 5 and making a fool of himself for a girl...this is cute when you are 5...but I hope he has better moves when he's 35! A 35 year old man doing what he does will NOT be cute!

Then last night we were at the mall, and now I'm starting to get use to this kind of behavior, so I could hear him behind me acting up again. I turned to my husband and asked, "is there a pretty girl around?" His answer. "YUP! He's doing it again" OMG Tyler! Does it not matter that your mother is right here watching?!?!? The funny thing is that it works...everytime. The girl whose attention he is trying to get gives it to him everytime. And that would just make his day. oh boy kid...hope the act improves or he'll be disappoint when he reaches 7 or 8.

Now my Madi takes a more subtle approach...well in public anyways. Madison actually started having crushes on little boys when she was 4. Her first love, well that I knew of, was Luke. She was just a rookie at this back then, she would admire him from afar and played with him at school, but the minute the doors open she doesn't talk to them or even look at them...directly. Then summer camp ended and Luke was yesterday's news. This school year started and she fell in love with Andre. Andre with his dreamy eyes, now this kid will break some hearts by the time he's 9! This time it's a little different, Andre was friends with Tyler first. Although still shy she was a little more open to talking to Andre after the school doors open. His mother and I actually took them all out to lunch one day and oh boy did they have a blast. First "date" with a boy...and her brother, but she was not too nervous to eat as she had gobbled up her lunch. Hmmm....must be the new thing of the new millenium...so anyways, I took the 3 of them to the playground for a picnic one day and the 3 of them climbed into my car and I got in and was immediately ordered to put on Taylor Swift and my daughter started to sing to this boy!!! All the while giggling away from nervousness. I bet Andre was thinking holy cow! where is my mother?!? I'm stuck in this car with these chinese people and she's serenading me with Taylor Swift...argh!!!

Poor Andre. But then he was sort of "released" and that is when Danny came into the picture. Her new boy toy. So apparently she has this poor little boy wrapped around her fingers. I was told that in school if she snapped he'd come running...well that's the way it should be...right?! But right when I thought, "nice! my daughter won't let any boy run HER life", it happened. We were at TBall and it started to rain. The kids still played on and she was engaged with playing catch, so how in the hell did she notice Danny walking across the field?!?! She was then so mesmerized by him I was really scared someone was going to hit her with the ball...the girl was gone! Now this part is a new reaction from her. She immediately was giddy and jumping around and was happier than a pig in shit. One of the mom's even said "wow, I don't think I've ever seen her half this excited at tball!" and so I pointed out that flavor of the month was nearby. I could not believe that this boy could have such an affect on my baby girl. Note to self, need to explain the need to play it cool...with both my kids!

So, I'm thinking if they are starting this at 5, we are in for a LONG LONG journey and the bars will have to go up on the windows sooner than I thought.

Hello! Tball not World Series...

It's always interesting to watch kids "play" a sport, but it's even more interesting and entertaining to watch how the parents react. And maybe I'm more relaxed about because I have 2 kids and 1 of 2 being athletic isn't bad right?! Tyler has amazing skills for a 5 year old...Madi, not so much. BUT she looks great standing there pretending.

We just finished our very first season of Tball. How entertaining was that?! We had parents who didn't really care and just wanted their kid to do something and get out of their hair, then you have parents like myself who cares, but I'm not going to slice my wrist if my kids can't hit the ball, and then you have the REALLY fun people...those who just wants their kid to be amazing so badly.

When we first got there my kids' gloves barely fit, poor Tyler couldn't catch the balls because the balls were bigger than his glove and Madi, well Madi's was pink it she looked awfully cute standing there praying the ball didn't go to her, not that it matter if it did because this girl was NOT going to move. So we upgraded Tyler's glove and then eventually got them a helmet because I was not too keen on the kids getting lice from sharing those helmets. ewwww. Eventually we did get him his own bat and an equipment bag to put all this stuff into which makes it easier for me. And all the other kids started getting new stuff too, it's really cute when they get into, but not so cute when the parents are more into it. Some kids started to show up with batting gloves...but barely even knew how to hold the bat...but they did know which was the bat! Phew!

A whole 6 weeks of watching my kids learn to play the game and they have both done so well. Tyler can hit pitches, catch balls (even pop ups!), and throw the ball. Madi can hit a pitched ball, throw the ball now and "catch" the ball. Although "catching" the ball is really the thrower having good aim because you have to throw it right into her glove rather than her catching it. Whatever works! She would stand there and the ball would be hit and rolls right by her...instead of running to get it, ALL of her teammates are running for the ball and Madi actually moves aside so they can get it. Or if she's in a good mood, you'll see her standing there and actually dancing. My daughter....I don't think there is a career for her in softball...oh well!

Now for the pain. It is painful watching those parents who are upset that their son ( I don't see this with the daughters...actually not many girls playing.) for not playing right. You have the Dad who are standing there and yelling out orders to their kid and not necessarily supporting them. And when it's time to bat, he'll stand right there and walks his son up to the plate and the whole time reminding him, "remember how we did this at home, hold your elbow up, make sure you swing straight..." and when he doesn't hit a pitched ball and we have to use the...gulp!...T stand...oh no! all chances of this poor kid's manlyhood is gone (in his dad's eyes). You can almost hear the father screaming "no! not my kid! he CAN hit the ball!!!! he can!!!!". And the time he does actually hit the ball well then! the chest gets all inflated and sticks right out. What a man HE is for fathering this boy who just hit the ball. These poor kids. It's a game. And they are 5!!! Can we please give them a break?!??!

What's worse is that some of these types of Dad actually coaches the team. So there we were, tornado watches were issued, severe storms were forecasted, but "Mona, we'd still like to get the game in if possible." Is he serious?!?! These kids are 5! It's Tball! "We'd like to get them game in" is he for real? It took everything within me to not tell him what I really thought. Wished him luck with his team but we are cancelling the game. Is it the end of the world if we god forbid cancelled a game? good god! These kids are so young and before we teach them to be competitive lets just let them be kids and enjoy themselves...T or no T!

Social Anxieties

Social anxieties...it has made me go gray and numb.

Madi who is our in house dictator runs her mouth at home like you wouldn't believe. She tells us what to do, when to do it, and how to do it. Not that any of us comply with her demands, but that doesn't stop her from giving them. However, take her out of the home and she "transforms." That's when I just want to die.

See Madison has a lot of social anxieties and we believe it stems from her speech delay and we believe her inability to communicate as well when she was younger has resulted in the lack of confidence in a new setting. And yes we understand the whole psychological aspect of this and yada yada yada, but bottomline is that my daughter turns into a monster.

Did I not want to kill myself when we went to Chloe's birthday party at the gym. I didn't know all the parents there so I too was in a new situation. Madison was all excited that morning and got dressed and finally it was time to go. She tells Tyler that she'll be back shortly and climbs into the car, what a sweet angel. Then as we pull into the parking lot she starts..."I want to go home." GAWD! Here we go again!!! "Madi, all your friends are here and it will be fun, AND there will be cake!" "NO! I don't want to go!!!" This is where I would have to wrestle her out of the car and we walk into the gym. She enters and we drop off the gift and everyone is saying hi to Madi and everyone's nice, parents are introducing themselves...and Madi screams, "I want to go home!" and begins to kick and scream. KILL ME NOW! But then we were saved by her flavor of the month at the time. Phew!

This sets off a bunch of emails with her teacher which resulted in the following advice...write a social story before each party or new setting we are taking her to. Are you serious?!?! I have time to write a flipping story before I take her out of the house?!? Is it the water? Global warming?! Cuz I know my parents didn't have to do stuff like this with me and I never heard of this until now. Oi vay! But ok, I will give it a try.

I knew we had a dentist visit coming up so I sat down and wrote a story about going to the dentist and getting her teach cleaned...my eyes were killing me afterwards because I was rolling them so much as I was doing this. So I read her the story when we were done and we read it for a few days in preparation. And then it was that day.

We get in the car and talked about what was going to happen and that it doesn't hurt, it's just like brushing your teeth with a cool toothbrush. Great, everyone is cooperating. We walk in the office and she starts...and I seriously wanted her to punch me out.

"I hate it here! I want to go home! This stinks!" and then she begins to punch and kick the walls!!! All I wanted to do was ram MY head into the wall at this point, and right when I thought it couldn't get worse, it was my turn to check them in. Madi turns to the receptionist points her little finger in the receptionist's face and says "I don't like you!!!" OMG!!!! Now I'm apologizing profusely and she's very nice and understanding...thank god. And Madi kept going with the punching and kicking of the walls. I really thought they were going to kick us out unless they wanted that wall down anyways. So I finally shut her up and calmed her down...and it was our turn. But this time I smartened up. I told the nurse that if SHE said something to Madi that it would be more effective and she did and Madi actually did stop. Amen! We did manage to do what we needed to do and left without totally remodeling their office with Madi's bare hands and feet.

Now that she is 5 my days of wanting to die on the spot has not subsided, but for some different reasons. Don't get me wrong, she still has the anxieties and hopefully by the time she's 35 she won't be kicking down walls anymore. Kindergarten registration was a nightmare. There we were in the middle of the lobby, all these little 4 and 5 year olds all excited for kindergarten and parents around...so these are families who actually live in our neighborhood. All of a sudden Madi screams out "THIS SCHOOL STIIIIIIINKSSSSSSSSSSS!" Can you say holy shit just kill me?!?!? So it hasn't gotten much better....but her speech has definitely picked up. So her confidence level is picking up as well, this is why she's perfectly fine pointing out that someone needs to go on a diet...and this begins the next era of "just kill me now" moments.

And some more...

I love getting and seeing the "artwork" that comes home....but they are 5...and the drawings are great and sometimes really needed for a good laugh, but holy cow! We have enough paper for a forest right here in my own house...I'm going to have my landscaper come in and trim THESE "bushes". And Tyler's stuff. How do I do this nicely...he comes home everyday with a drawing for me, this drawing is a picture of whatever topice for the month that are printed onto a page and the kids color them. So last month, I have 20...yes TWENTY (4 weeks in a month, and 5 days in a week) pictures of a butterfly AND in each one only the head is colored in. It is either black or blue. Black is preferred that's his favorite color and when the teacher hides the black he picks blue. I try and recycle them and reuse the backs, but then I hurt his feelings. "Mommy you ruined my art!" Oi vay!

I have to say though that they are at least better now, they used to be big black scribbling all over the page. "wow Tyler! that's awesome! i love it!" and Madi, dear sweet Madi would point out, "but mom that is just scribbling!" and then Tyler gets upset. Wonderful cycle.

So back to the bulk art work. How can we limit what is brought home? I have stuff taped to my wall, posted on my fridge, in a bag "for later", and well sometimes yeah I do recycle them off. However tip to the parents....do NOT let them see you do it. Tyler found some of his stuff and almost died from disgust.
"Mommy! you throw my art away?!?"
"No Tyler! I would never do that! Must have been Daddy!"

Oh and another line I use, I tell them I am hanging them in my office. Now I work from home mostly and although we have an office to go to, I am never there and if my kids ever go to the office with me they will ask to see their art and I will be screwed! So be careful!
Sorry Daddy, yes I throw you under the bus all the time, but hey I'm the one here all the time with them and have to listen to the whining and nagging, so oh well!

And here I am sitting here and thinking...what will I do tonight?! it's the end of year school picnic where there will be a silent auction. Each class will have an item to auction off. Great! More "art". So not only do I have enough for the entire city of Newton, but now they want me to actually pay money for more?!?! and not just stuff from my kids but other people's kids too?!??!
It's like seriously!

So...before your kids enter preschool. Teach them to draw, that way when the stuff starts coming home you don't have to bite your lips to keep from laughing and lie to your kid telling them it's beautiful. Don't even deny you are lying, because deep down you are thinking "good god kid do you really see me with a head THAT big?!?", or at certain times of the month when your mood is not that great and you are extra sensitive you think, "even my preschooler thinks I'm fat! Look at that midsection in the picture!" And Tyler, I don't have fingers longer than my legs and Madi, my eyes are not so big that they look like round rimmed glasses!

Wish me luck ;)

My Little Princess...

Wow, what a big morning we had. Madi had her year end celebration. The class has been learning about famous artists for the past 4 weeks and then creating their own "masterpieces" based on the ideas of the famous artist of the week. And today all their "masterpieces" were on display at the school cafeteria for all of us parents to go in and ooo and ahhhh at...followed by a little award presentation.

So we wake up and Madi wants to wear a dress, ok. So we picked out a new dress which was in different shades of purple with cute cropped leggings and I do her hair. I also remembered to explain to her that she needs to remember to fix her dress before she leaves the bathroom, cuz nothing worse than having your dress tucked into your undies! We then go down to breakfast. Now we had just gone to Ikea on Sunday and bought a tray of their cinnamon buns because the kids just adore them and I asked if she wanted a cinnamon bun. Yes! Ok so we heat one up set her up for breakfast so that I can finish getting ready. Tyler was in his own world thrilled that I'm all focused on Madi and thinks I didn't realize that he was playing x box in the other room with his cinnamon roll, boy was he on cloud 9.

After about 10 mins she comes to me and she can't finish her cinnamon roll. Well when SHE can't finish a cinnamon roll there HAS to be something wrong! and that's when it hit me. She's nervous about her art show. Well of course she should be, isn't every artist nervous right before their art is to be displayed?! (and let me just add nicely, that some kids had A LOT to be nervous about). But after speaking to her, it wasn't the art, it was the fact that Daddy was going to be there as well...and so will her "boyfriends." After months of Daddy saying, "Madison I need to meet these boys..." the day has finally come where he could potentially meet them and embarass my poor Madi. Not only did she not finish her breakfast but she must have peed about 5 times in a 30 minute span...or perhaps a UTI? probably not....right?!

Half way to school I realize...I'm wearing purple, Madi is wearing purple and Kevin is in a shade of purple too! OMG! Do we look like the entire Barney family going to school??? I really wanted to die. Note to self: pictures of Madi only.

So we get to school and she's all proud and excited and we take Tyler to his class first and everyone is admiring her dress and she's twirling around...what a little girl. She must get that from Kevin cuz I don't do that sort of thing! and then we head off to her art show. We get in there and immediately...DUN DUN DUNNNNNNNN....Danny! Now before we left the house she told me she wanted a picture with Danny and Andre because she will miss them when she goes to Disney so I promised that I will, and here's the chance. So I chatted with his mom a bit and I say "we hear about Danny all the time at home" and I find out that at their house they are always talking about Madison, "I don't like girls but I like Madison". How sweet is that? We do the whole picture thing and we're done great.

What was REALLY interesting was the reaction of the parents to these "masterpieces". I mean don't get me wrong. I loved looking at Madi's artwork and to see that preschool really isn't just snacktime, going outside, to the bathroom and build with some blocks. But these teachers really did a great job in getting these kids to create art work based on the original artist's vision. What's embarassing is when Madi will talk about these artists with me and well...no clue. I have no idea who they are or what they do and I'm dealing with a 5 year old so chances are she'll know if I'm faking it. Oi vay! and then you see these parents with their cameras and yes I had one too, but they were taking pictures of the artwork from all angles! Really?! a stick figure looks the same from all angles...no? And then taking pictures of the kids with their art from different angles...I felt like I was on "Zoolander".

But what was the best is the award ceremony. I give so much credit to these teachers. Each child not only got an award for something (and some things ridiculously creative), but she gave them each such a great introduction. Madison got an award for being the class social butterfly. That's funny. She would not speak to one single person while we were there and even the pictures taken with Andre and Danny there was enough space in between the kids for 3 adults to stand in and even them she wouldn't speak to! Then you have the best block builder, best helper, etc. And you know she was thinking, well he's a brat but there has to be something he can do...ok let's just say he's the best snack eater! and this one...can't draw, can't bild, isn't nice, isn't helpful...ok how about best nose picker! These poor teachers! To have to be nice when you can almost feel their pain.

So the end of the even came and the kids were asked to stand in line to go out to the playground and the adults will leave. I give Madi a hug and kiss and she goes off into the line. I take a few pictures of her and the class and then I think she died. I said "have fun outside guys, don't get too wild in the office." Madi's friends all whipped their heads around and looked at me wide-eyed. See "the office is a saucer contraption thing in the playground and only selective kids get to hang out in there. Apparently that's where Madi and her friends, oddly enough not one is female, hang out and not quite sure what they do in there. Thank god it's a saucer with windows and she better not be kissing any boys! And apparently this saucer is "secret", and no one sees them all there right?! Madi looks at me with horror in her face...and well I'm SO SORRY BABY! I've ruined her chances of being the cool kid! but on the flip side, this is preschool and only one other kid will be in her elementary school and he barely speaks english, so no huge loss there right?!

Oh and btw...as expected I didn't escape that without a comment about us all matching. And yes...I wanted to punch her in the face.