Learning to Forgive

So summer camp has started...amen! and the kids like it there, feeling their way around, and sticking together. I want them to try and be independent, but oh well, I guess they are still young and they need to look out for each other. We have recently had some incidents and I'm trying to teach them to be able to forgive someone.

Last weekend, a neighborhood friend came over to play outside with them. And here's how it went down told by Madi and Tyler.
T: "we were playing frisbee, and I was aiming for Madi"
M: "yeah Tyler was trying to throw it to me!"
T: "and then Ben won't stop talking"
M: "yeah then he pinched Tyler!"

So Ben was brought home. The kids told me this story and Tyler runs off crying because he was pinched. Madi walks around the house saying, "I don't know why Ben did that! why mommy? Tyler! why Ben did that?" and this goes on for 5 mins. Finally the crying stops and I say maybe he pinched Tyler by accident and that accidents happen. "No" Madi tells me, "Ben pinched Tyler and next time he comes here I will tell him, NO PINCHING!" So I said "No Madi, you will not say anything. You need to give your friends 2nd chances everyone gets chances, maybe it was by accident!" And Madi insists on having this talk with Ben. She also reassures Tyler that she has that plan and how they will address him when he comes back again. Instead of making this into a bigger issue I let it go...maybe they will forget.

So we start camp yesterday and Tyler reports back that a boy kicked him with his shoe. So I asked what happened next and Tyler said the boy apologized. "Great! That means it was an accident" I explain to him. He says no it wasn't and that he'll never play with that boy. That's when I say "ok guys, sometimes when you guys are playing, other kids may hurt you by accident, not on purpose, but they apologize and you say ok and it's done. You are still friends and you just keep on playing. This is called forgiving someone." "No", Madi tells me, "I don't want to forgive." "Well Madi, what happens if YOU hurt someone by accident and they don't want to play with you?" and the girl responds with "Then i don't play then! I just walk away!" Now I'm racking my brain and I think of her Preschool "love". "ok, how about if you hurt Danny by accident and you say sorry, but Danny says no and doesnt' forgive you, won't that make you sad?" "No, if he doesn't want to play with me then I walk away and play with someone else!"

In my head I'm thinking that's my girl, don't give in to a boy just cuz you like him. But they are so tough on other kids and holds these grudges! Where is this coming from??? Granted if someone kicked me in the head I'd be pissed, but if it was an accident then it's an accident! And poor Tyler, he's listening to all this. His sister is definitely more adamant with this whole forgiving vs. not forgiving thing so which side will he end up on?

I also pray for the kids who crosses her path as she starts her career in school. When we hit those years in middle and high school, I have a feeling this blog will be much busier...well if I am not in meetings with the principal all the time!

Note to self: need a movie that focuses on forgiving and how that whole concept works.