7:20 AM and I am ready to commit myself. We had just dropped off Dad and it's my day to work all day and grandma and grandpa takes the twins for the day so we were on our way there for drop off. That's when it hit Madison that we will not be home today so she can not watch "Big Time Rush" on the DVR and she went ballistic. Crying at the top of her lungs and I ignored it. Went on my way, stopped to get gas and could hear my precious little monster screaming inside the car as I was pumping the gas.
Now I'm getting angry, I told her that she will not be going to the beach AND all episodes of Big Time Rush will be erased. "NO!!!! So sorry mommy! I am sooooo sorry!", "Madison, when someone is sorry for doing something they don't do it again (unless you are a man)", "ok mommy! I can't help it!" She can't help it...really? What makes these little girls tick? It has to be so exhausting to be so difficult.
I get these outer body experiences if you will and see myself trying to handle the situation and the grown up part of me knows how to handle it, but then there's the other side of me who just wants to be just as immature and throw my own tantrum and push back! So we get to my mother's house and she throws herself on the couch and begins to cry. Tyler and I ignore her and go on our way until she started kicking the wall. Today is trash day and I just wanted to leave her by the curb...I mean we JUST had the talk about tantrums and listening. She told me it's because she's hungry. This girl is for real. She's hungry. So I said hang on and we'll have breakfast soon, she gets angry because I can't just pull breakfast out of my ass at the snap of a finger and a wiggle of my nose and begins again. At this point I lost it. I had to get out of there...so I gave Tyler a hug and a kiss and left.
I felt awful leaving, but I had to get out before my head exploded. I sit here and just wonder how will I survive until she is married and someone else's problem? and you know what I really don't understand how parents are afraid of regression when there is "trauma" in a small child's life like a new sibling is introduced into the family. You hear about older siblings wanting to go back into diapers. Or something is going on in school and they start peeing in there beds. Well what about ME?! What about the "trauma" I am going through? does this mean it's ok for me to start peeing in my bed, or perhaps I started crawling so I don't have to cook, clean and work anymore? CALGON!!!
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