The Roommate

Ok so those of you who are always googlie-eyed over your husbands please take your rosey glasses off. I find that being married and having a husband is pretty overrated. And yes, I am bitter! Don't tell me this doesn't happen to you...

Here's the scenario: You've had a hard day at work (whether or not you work from home doesn't matter) but you still had to juggle your kids' schedule...oh and did I mention the load of laundry you have to do because your kids are about to have to do the reversible underwear trick? The kids have not been cooperating, but finally they are involved in some activity. You're not really quite sure what, but there are no sharp objects, nothing poisonous, and there doesn't seem to be any blood so you move on. Get whatever work you left hanging because you had to pick the kids up and then start dinner. God forbid dinner is not ready and even if not for him, the kids need to eat! Then he comes home and throws a hissy fit. Why is the house such a mess?!? Are you not paying attention to what they are doing?!

Stop! Right there is when I seriously would not mind commiting murder. I could probably claim temporary insanity because you know what? I WAS INSANE! He then goes on and asks, "what have you guys been doing all day?!?!" That's when I would have gone for the juggular. To avoid any fights I swallow all the words I want to say...and that's a lot of words, so I stay quiet. What I really wanted to say is "Nothing asswipe, I've been sitting at home on my fat ass eating bon bons while these children, who I'd like to remind you are your offsprings too and carry your name!" Then he'll say "you left them alone while you made phone calls didn't you?!?!" and you know what? That would be a partial yes. They weren't alone, they were playing in the playroom and I made a call to a client...aka: working.

He has now earned the title of Roommate. No longer husband. When I hear women say things like "oh, he misses the attention you used to give him," that makes my blood boil. Is he a dog? What about me as a mother? What about the attention I used to be able to give MYSELF?! He vacuums every Sunday, and he acts like he was asked to build an entire compound in one day! And he bitches about it. Tells us how hard we make it for him because the house is a mess. Am I suppose to APOLOGIZE?!?! Is he serious?!? I just want to turn on the vacuum and suck HIM right up and toss.

My favorite was when my grandmother, may she rest in peace, used to announce to people when we were at a family gathering how competent and great he is. Takes such great care of the family. I was only standing right there. Or she would just tell him to his face with me right there. Now I understand it's a different generation, different mindset...but how irritating! Whenever this used to happen I wanted to turn to him and bow and just thank him profusely for "taking" me in and "giving" me these beautiful children and a home to live him. I mean I should right? I mean I sit at him shoving my face with food watching every soap there is while he's out working so hard to provide for me.

When I rule the world, there will be no marriages until AFTER you have kids. THAT'S when you see the true colors...true colors of your husband, and the...dun dun dunnnnnn....MOTHER IN LAW. And that's another entry on it's own. It needs to be treated delicately which is why I have not shared my thoughts yet...