Rough housing...

I was in a conversation the other day with a couple of parents from other Tball teams and their kids also play soccer. Not all parents play sports, I get it, these kids are kindergartners, I get it, the kids are out there to have fun and not out for blood and I agree and I get it. However, I think these kids should be allowed to play rough, if it is allowed in the sport. Obviously, I'm not saying the kids should be fist fighting and conducting themselves in poor sportsmanship-like ways, but there is nothing wrong with being aggressive, we're playing a sport, not having tea. So the conversation went like this..."don't you think Mario was a little rough at soccer yesterday? He was like hip checking people!" I thought to myself and really didn't remember anyone in my mind playing particularly rough and responded "not really." "Yeah! I saw Mario hip checking other kids and I just thought that was not nice and it's kindergarten soccer he should not be that aggressive." At that moment her son came walking toward us crying. He had banged heads with Madison who continued playing...go figure. I yelled out "No crying in baseball, go play!" and we continue our conversation,"Well, it's soccer, are you suppose to ask for the ball?!" "No, but this kid is aggressive in the classroom too and I just feel like his parents are not responding to his aggressiveness." And as this conversation continued my kids started to argue and shove each other on the field...typical Madison and Tyler fashion. Doesn't even phase me at this point. Perhaps I'm wrong. I don't know. But these boys are playing sports and they rough house. Tyler sees his friends they automatically wrestle or tag or something physical and there's no crying involved. I mean these are BOYS, let's raise them to be men, NOT little girls! If you don't want your son to be picked on and made fun of when he gets older then do him a favor and toughen him up. And so I said something to this effect. I told her that kids these days are babied...to the extreme and when they get older and are put in situation with tougher kids they can't handle it and then they do get picked on and anti-bully rules or not it's gonna happen! I'm not saying raise your son to be a bully, but he should be able to hold his own...he definitely should not go crying to his mommy everytime something touches him. Survival of the fittest! LOL! This helps to build character. Let's toughen our kids up, teach them some independence, it's ok to rough house, it's ok to hip check, it's ok to steal the ball when playing basketball...it's in the rules!!!

Fighting words...

"MONA! blah blah blah blah......" That's all I could hear the Brian screaming at me. What was he saying? I just couldn't make it out. Why couldn't he just wait until he came over to me to tell me? What was so important that it couldn't wait?!? "WHAT?!?! I can't hear you!" He finally runs over. "I have to to ask you something." "ok" "um. Tyler said. um. Tyler said. um" Oh gawd, we'll be her forever. Spit it out kid. "Tyler said that his dad, your husband, is going to beat me with a stick if I go into your house." "No. That's not true." "yes it is! you weren't there! he said that!" "well yes, he may have said that, but Tyler's dad, my husband wouldn't beat you with a stick." And life goes on. So a few thoughts ran through my head. First. Funny. Thanks for clarifying for me that Tyler's dad is in fact my husband. Second, the fact that Tyler said this if he did say this. and third, the visualization of this happening. I know, some overly sensitive parent will read this third part and think I'm an asshole, but I really think in order to be a good parent we really need to loosen up and stop being so uptight, you'll sleep better, and your kids won't be jerks. I'm also thinking, when Brian approached me his mom was with him and it was apparent that this "conversation" the boys had was talked about at home and what was said is obviously so ridiculous that I feel it's ridiculous that she had him approach me with me. And by doing so he was being told to tattle on Tyler for saying something like that. True that Tyler should not have said that, but perhaps his mother should have given me a heads up that Tyler said this to her son and not had her son tell me...but whatever. Tyler comes home that day and I did ask him why that was said and he told me. He said that Brian was nagging him about coming over for a playdate and Tyler just didn't want to. He doesn't mind playing basketball or catch with him outside but just doesn't want him all over Tyler's stuff. However Brian insisted and was annoying Tyler and said Tyler had to allow him over so Tyler said well fine, but if you do my dad will beat you with a stick. I did tell Tyler that he should just ignore him next time and that if doesn't want to have a playdate I won't force him to, but to not say that again.

Me? A Polygamist?!

Some women wear there engagement ring and their wedding band everyday, I on the otherhand only wear it if we are going out. I just don't feel like I need to be wearing it when my day involves playing with the kids, cleaning up crap, cooking, going to school, getting the kids in and out of the car, prying things open with my fingers and sometimes fingernails if not my teeth! Now that tball season is starting and I will be coaching Tyler's team again I definitely won't be sporting the diamonds around town and the days of manicured nails, well those were gone the day they were born! I really much rather use my "spare time" to take a nap...and quite frankly in the 6 years I haven't had that free time yet... So this past weekend we were going out shopping and then dinner and so I put on my watch and rings. I was actually going to be a grown up. The kids now understanding more and more and completely wrapped up with the institution of marriage noticed right away that I had my wedding rings on again. Madison growing progressively more girly wanted to see them and so I let her try them on, that's when she realizes that they are two rings put together. GASP! "OMG Mommy! You are married to TWO people?!?!" At first I had no clue what she was talking about and then I realized why she thought that. I just shrugged my shoulders. "Who Mommy?! Who are you married to?!? Oh! I know! Are you married to LL?!?!" I could not stop laughing. My baby girl remembers that I say LL Cool J is my "boyfriend" and now she thinks I'm married to him AND her father. So she starts to ask why he doesn't live with us and if he's on vacation so I just told her yes. I know it's wrong and she'll start telling people in school that her mother is married to two people and one of them is LL. but whoever believes that has to be an idiot. Maybe now I can start my own version of "Brother Husbands" and make tons of money and live on a compound. I can just go hang out and be with flavor of the day and if one makes me angry I go on to the next. Although let's be real, 1 husband is enough to make me jump why would I want more than 1?!?

"Mommy! I'm Sexy!"

Now please remember that most everything discussed in this blog have been pinky sworn to secrecy between my children and I, but I figured by the time they find out about this blog I'm so old and decrepit that they can't hurt me any further or they are in college and need me financially that they can't hurt me yet which will give me time to run.

I am finding out from many moms that their kids don't tell them any of these things that are happening in school so I have been a source of their information and it's so funny how my kids do tell me these things, perhaps they sense my immaturity level...good or bad I'm not sure, but right now it keeps me in the know of what's up in their lives and to feed into this blog. The best is shower time. That's when I get all my news. It's like my TMZ time with my kids.

Madison for example, doesn't really say much in class. She will only talk if you force her or when you're not looking, but don't be fooled, this girl is watching. She's my observer. She's a spy. And she knows about everybody else's business. She knows what everybody is taking after school for after school programs, who is having a playdate with whom and who kissed "Brad". We also know who gets all the time outs in the class and who got spoken to for kissing "Brad". This is great kindergarten dirt.

Now Tyler has been getting increasingly active with his kindergarten class. He's on the opposite end of the spectrum. He's one of the "active" children. The other night he reported that there were 4 boys, including him that were asked by the girls to get in line so that their muscles could be felt and compared. He reported who got to felt who and one of the boys had "flat muscles". So I asked "how about you Tyler? what did your girl think of your muscles?" "Feel them mom!" and he flexes his little arm and lets me feels his muscles. Of course I made a huge deal, how cute could this be?! and he said his girl asked, "OMG Tyler! how did you do that?" "well, I do some kung fu, I exercise, and I eat my vegetables." I only found this to be the funniest thing I've ever heard as I could picture this whole scene happening in the classroom. Last night he reported that 2 of the girls went up to him and his other friend and reported that they are the sexiest boys in the class. Kindergarten! Is there a People's cover for Sexiest Kindergartner?!

Gotcha!

Why is it that every morning Madison gets a tummyache when drinking her milk? Is she lactaid intolerant? That wouldn't be surprising since I am as well. And not that it's an excuse, but mornings in my house is like a windstorm. I get them cleaned up and dressed and manage to come downstairs and I get some food on the table. The kids start to eat. I have to make sure Tyler takes all his asthma medication so that the kid can continue to breathe...that's kind of important right?! Then I start packing the snacks. On Thursdays and Fridays I have to pack an extra lunch as well as these are their long days. Then half way through I realize oh crap I forgot to slap on a little something on my face so that I don't scare ALL the kids on the way to school so I run up and at least throw on some foundation and powder and a little eyeliner so I look even and not like a monster that just crawled out from under the bed. Back downstairs to finish packing the snacks and lunches. During the winter I like to give the kids a hot lunch so I don't warm it up until it's closer to the time we leave which makes the scramble even harder. Now somewhere in this rushing I admit I'm not paying a lot of attention to the kids, so they could bury their cereal in a plant, and this is why I don't have any live plants in the house, but they could hide their cereal somewhere...but this is when Madi will start her "mommy, I have a tummy hurt!" and I don't have time to argue with her and in the back of my mind I'm thinking lactaid intolerance? and I try to argue with her to finish her milk she needs it blah blah blah, her nails will fall out, her hair will fall out, stuff will start rotting, you name it I've done and said it. I've even kept it and would make her drink it when she came home after school and made her miserable and she still puts up a show in the morning. Finally this morning I earned my Ph.D!!! "Mommy...my tummy hurt!" "Oh no Madi, I was afraid of that happening again." "Why mommy?" "because I think you might have a worm in your tummy. Your tummy hurts every morning and that means that you must have a worm" and you hear silence. "Oh...well it doesn't hurt anymore" "No Madi, I'm really scared, I need to take you to the hospital. Let's drop Tyler at school and I'm taking you right away. I don't want the worm to get too big. Bring your babies incase you have to stay overnight. Sometimes if the worm is too big they have to operate to get it out. oh my poor baby! I'm so scared for you!" "No mom, I'm just kidding, it doesnt' hurt! Tyler's tummy hurt!" and you hear Tyler yelling "NO it doesn't!!!! I finished my milk!!!" And today on April Fools Day I have earned my Ph.D in Madison Psychology.

Privacy Please?!

I think my husband and I will have to become penpals if we want to be able to communicate without the kids knowing what we are talking about...but everything is done electronically and knowing my kids they'll probably learn how to hack into our emails and read our emails we'll lose that option too! Are we going to have to learn another language? I expressed this concern to him the other night and Madison came out of nowhere and said "you can learn sign language!" Thank you Madison, and I would do it too if I was confident that you wouldn't pick up on it and find out what we were saying! The other night I was feeling like I needed some chips, I was PMS-ing horribly and just needed the snack as we watched a show on the DVR after the kids are in bed. So I said to my husband, "let's have some ip-chay after they are in bed", he replies "what? what's that? i don't know what you are saying!" Madi chimes in "say it again, I know! What is it mommy? say it!" and I explain " i can't spell it because it's an easy enough word that the kids will sound it out and they will know and will never go to sleep and if i say it the same result, so just forget it! ugh!" Brainiac then replies "oh i know does the brand end in ys?" (as in Lays) and I reply yes, but too late, Madi goes "oh! chips!" Nothing goes by this one! The kids have been learning how to sound out letters and form words, my husband is not fast enough for me to spell words quickly for him to know what I am saying without the kids hearing so I have to spell it slowly, but by then the kids have already figured it out and then THEY tell HIM what I wanted to tell him. So I'm giving up...maybe it wasn't meant to be for me to talk to my husband anymore! LOL! and I'm not deliberately trying to keep secrets from him, I just can't tell him without the peanut gallery listening. Now you may ask why don't I tell him AFTER the kids are in bed? It's easy. If you have kids, and most of you reading this blog do will know that after you have children there is no such thing as a "memory" so by the time you are able to tell him, you would have forgotten you even had a secret to tell him, nevermind what the hell that secret even was! I was having a phone conversation with a friend the other day and our kids are in the same class. My kids weren't home, but hers were. So she had to talk in code. Have you ever played charades over the phone? It is hard! It's like a cross between Charades and Taboo, because you can't use certain words or names otherwise your child or children will now what or god forbid WHO you are talking about and then forget it, it's broadcasted all over school. It's true when they say don't worry about your kids not talking yet...because when they do you just can't get them to stop!

Play Ball!

As we approach Spring so does baseball season, soccer season, and any kind of sport season that can suck money out of your wallet and time from your day...well the time is well worth it as long as your kids have fun doing it. You'll only have this opportunity once when the sport is still fun and it's not competitive. Tyler is still only 6 and kindergarten so it's Tball. We did it last year too and forced Madison to do it as well so that she had a taste of it, but she hated it and wouldn't participate...although she has a pretty good swing and can hit the ball pretty well and can throw and catch...but I'm not going to force her so it will just be Tyler this year. I'm not sure what it's like in other towns, but you see some of these kids show up all geared up but just not knowing what to do with themselves! The pressures they get from their father's to play well and you have wonder, "dude! what do you expect from your kid? we're hitting off of t's!" Granted, yes, there are some kids who are well...just not made for sports and are painful to watch even with a T. And you can almost feel his father's pain...but it's OK! there ARE worse things in life! The funny thing is I'm pretty sure many of these fathers are living vicariously through their sons' lives, and are trying to prove their manlihood through their son...but you know what they say! "Size doesn't matter!" so maybe we should leave it alone. He could be a doctor like you? a proctologist pays well right? The crazy lives that these kids lead with all the sports are insane...and these are kindergartners. Soccer, basketball, baseball, afterschool activities, and we get the kids involved "not for the sport but for the social aspect". I also think that team building and learning to be a team member is important and for the kids to feel like they are a part of something special is so great for them. But I've heard dad's pull their kids aside giving them "peptalks" and putting all this pressure on their kids, it's so sad. Kids were telling me "my dad said I have to hit it this way," or "I have to throw it like this." Believe it or not I overheard a conversation amongst these kindergartners about which sport they should play because it pays more! These dads need to realize that they are already grown, their penises are not growing anymore...no matter how well their kids do in sports, so drop it. Let them have fun and just play and develop for now.