Honesty...what a breath of fresh air!

I have been volunteering at the elementary school a bit and helping out with the library during Madison and/or Tyler's class and helping out with Madison's Daisy Scout Troop. I can't explain just how much fun and how refreshing it can be to be around a group of innocent kids. The things they do and say just because! They will ask you something because they want to know, they will tell you something because they feel YOU need to know, and they will do something just because they want to do it.

There really isn't anything wrong with that. It's us adults who make it wrong and that's why WE have conflict. I sit there and observe and I find myself jealous! How many times have I wanted to tell someone " you smell funny!", or "I just don't like you", or "that picture is just not so good...you are not a good artist." Just be honest damn it!

So today we're walking to school and Tyler, Madi and their friend are running up ahead and all of a sudden Madi comes running back to me telling me that she hates their friend. Well friend's dad is standing right there, did I want to die? YES! Was Madi overreacting? Maybe...but maybe not, because our friend has a history of not being the best of friend and he and Madi has been butting heads for a while now. Although this time she was REALLY upset. She never cries in front of people and she was flat out bawling and screaming out she hated him. I really didn't know what to do because now both my kids have had gripes about friend before at one point or another, but what do I do?!

I have to say though, I'm thrilled that Madi was able to express this. My darling baby girl is speech delayed and the LAST thing I want is for her to bottle up all her feelings. I WANT her to express herself. So say it Madison! Be honest! If something or someone is bothering you just say it! Tell it like it is...we'll just tweak the wording later on in life. You're a girl growing to be a woman, hear you roar!

Tyler's Teeth...

So the talk of kindergarten has been Tyler's teeth, Tyler has to get the tooth out, Tyler has to go to the dentist, why? because he has cavities, where? in there! where? there! it's a riot how all these kids just dwell on things and it's not just Tyler's class, but in Madison's class too, because Madison had to share her brother's business with everyone in her class.

Madison got into the car afterschool yesterday and says "oh mom, we don't have to pull Tyler's tooth out. Holly says that the new one will just push the old one out, so we don't have to pull it." (Holly is a classmate of Madison's) "Oh really? that's great news! Is Holly a dentist?" "NO! She's in my class! But that's what she said!" hmmm...ok well then it must be true?!

Today was the 1st of the 3 appointments to fill in Tyler's cavities. Of course Madison had to know what the agenda was for the day, "ok, so we walk to school, you will drop me off and then you and Tyler will walk home, get the car, go to the dentist and then drop Tyler at school and then you go to work, right mom?" "Yes Madi." "OK." Tyler's nerves were getting the best of him and was getting antsy and was getting upset and was making up excuses about not going, he was even saying he was going to miss dancing in PE class today and didn't want to miss that! After he threw a tantrum about not doing sports in PE yesterday! So I said that we could stop by his classroom and find out what time PE is at and see if we could rush back, well, now we had to go over the agenda again! Good lord! So I change the subject, "Madison, tomorrow is Math Day, remember I can spend 15 mins in your class and 15 mins in Tyler's class, so which class will I go to first?", "Mom, let's talk about this tomorrow." Well! She told me! and that subject was closed.

As promised we got to school and we walked into Tyler's classroom to ask his teacher for their day's schedule, and as I was discussing it with her, Tyler's friend Austin walks up to Tyler and says "open your mouth." Tyler opens his mouth and his friend Austin gives him directions to move in different directions as he's looking around inside...these kids all think they're dentists! It's the funniest thing to watch and listen. What's funnier is that the "patient" obliges! When I ask him to open and let me see he doesn't...why?!

Thank you Madison...

Today was a big day, I was the "Mystery Reader" in Madison's kindergarten class today. So at 11:45 am, in the middle of the day, I stopped what I was doing, got myself to school for 11:45 so that I could spend 15 mins to read to Maddy and her friends. How great was that? My mom never did stuff like that for me and I used to want a "normal" mom like that so badly! But we are chinese and chinese moms just didn't do stuff like that. pffft!

So I walk into the class and all of Maddy's friends were so excited! "I knew it Maddy! YOUR mom is the mystery reader!" and they all saw me holding the "Biscuit" books in my hands and the buzz of excitement just ran across the room...well except for Maddy. You would have thought someone just ran her dog over. Good lord what is with my child?!?!?

So as the teacher got everyone to settle down she says "Madison, why don't you invite your mom over to sit so she can read to us?!" and I watched my daughter nodded NO with her head...well I didn't care, I walked over and chatted with her friends. THEY all seemed to like me and THEY all spoke to me except for my daughter. So I read the books that Maddy had picked out from home and then afterwards her teacher asked the class to thank me which they all did. Then she asked that they gave me a round of applause which they all did...except for my beloved daughter. So she goes, "Madison, don't you want to give your mom a round of applause?" and Maddy nods her head NO. I wanted to die and I laughed and her teacher laughs and says at least she's honest...which I have to agree she is...brutally honest! So then I wish everyone a nice rest of the afternoon and left and Maddy could not even say good bye to me.

Ok, I get it, she's shy, but I'm her freaking mother! She was IN me for 6 months for the love, if you're still shy after that I'm not sure what else could help you get over that shyness!!! I'm trying to be patient with her and to embrace Maddy and accept that she is shy and not into sports. Me, I'm loud and obnoxious, can talk to anyone and enjoy sports except for hockey and that other one with the disc and the person who looks like he's sweeping in front of it...I get it, we're not the same. I try and do quieter things with her with less people and things that SHE likes but still she's not enjoying it. I am not settling for her sitting at home and just turning into mush...she'll become...my mother in law. Thanks but no thanks. I will win this battle. Even if it kills me I WILL win, I will get her involved with something that she WILL enjoy damn it. She will SMILE and laugh when she is involved...I WILL find THAT activity!

And we have cavities...

FIVE to be exact. How did Tyler end up with 5 cavities? I'm not even sure. Juices are limited to once a day if any at all, and definitely no candy unless it's a special occasion. We floss and brush and with Plax and rinse with ACT. So....can someone please throw me a bone here?!?!? So they dentist had already suspected that Tyler just had that "kind of cavity prone" kinda mouth...and it could be genetics. Sorry, gotta blame it on the in laws. Because MY family didn't have these issues...and I don't have these issues! OY! WTF!

So I call the insurance company to find out how much this will run me and they ask you "how many surfaces are there?" Are they kidding me?! How many surfaces?!? The top surface! How do I know?! IF I knew...I would do this all myself and wouldn't need a dentist and therefore no insurance required! I then contacted my dentist who provided me with this great form with all the codes and a picture of the teeth that needed to be filled with all the surfaces and blah blah blah... I find out that the teeth that will only need one surface are covered 50%, but the ones that has two surfaces are not quite covered, well they are but minimally and they wouldn't even tell me by how little..."it depends on the contract". Oh and these are all baby teeth that will eventually fall out, but nonetheless we need to fill them because it could be years before they fall out and they could rot through by then and into the gums. But all I really heard was "please take your $1,000 and insert it in this toilet here like so. Now flush. No you don't have to put it all at once, you can do it in 4 installments if you wish."

Then on top of this he has a permanent tooth growing in in the front. REALLY exciting stuff right? Tooth fairy the whole thing...well the baby tooth is not budging, not even loose. But the new one is coming in fast and furious...and sideways! So...if the old and little doesn't come out soon..very soon, that will need to be pulled...more money to be deposited through the porcelain goddess. I love my baby boy, but I'm thinking perhaps tripping him as he is running at full speed and hope he hits his front tooth against the wall and knocks it out will do the trick? We sit there every night watching the American Idol with his mouth open and me wiggling the tooth like a mad woman...nothing.

I've even suggested that if he has nothing to do that he could sit there and gnaw on a piece of wood. Or a soccer ball, he used to do that as an infant, try to shove a huge playground ball into his mouth without success. The other night they came home and Madison reports to me, "mom! Tyler was biting on the soccer ball at grandma's house and it popped! and Grandpa tried to tape it back but it still leaks!" All these thoughts just ran through my head, but priorities, "Tyler, open your mouth, let me feel that tooth!" nope! still on tight! argh! "ok, what?! why were you biting on a soccer ball? what's wrong with you?!" "but mom! you told me to!" My mind was racing, crap! I need to stop thinking out loud! I know I thought of it, but did I really say it out loud?! and did he really pop a leather soccer ball with that tooth? geez! it is really stubborn! why doesn't it want to come out??? "Tyler, mommy was only kidding!" "ohhhhh!"

So the next day at my mom's house they showed me the soccer ball and thank goodness it was a beachball that looks like a soccer ball. phew! but yes, he did bite it and it did pop. My sanity level is slipping away here...

Feed me...hungry!!!

So I get it. Not all of us, including myself, are big morning eaters, but the kids know they have to go to school and they don't get snack time until about 10ish or so and that's too late for their first meal. Snack time really isn't a meal, they get 5 minutes to choke down some fruit or a some crackers, so if you skip breakfast and wait until then, a piece of fruit, or a cracker will not cut it. I don't make my kids eat a huge breakfast, normally a half a cup of milk and cereal, or scrambled eggs, or piece of toast with peanutbutter. Just something small.

The past two days Madison has been refusing breakfast. "NO! I don't want to eat nothing!" "ok then, you'll be hungry!" "I don't care!" Yesterday, I had poured out a bowl of cereal for her and already had the milk in it and so when she sat there pouting in front of it I took the bowl away and I continued to prepare their lunchboxes and I waited until the cereal turned into mush. THEN I said "Madi, this is your last chance to eat if you don't eat you will starve."
"ok..."
I walked over and put the bowl of really gross mushy cereal in front of her. You couldn't pay me money to eat that! and I watched her touch it with her spoon and looked at me like I was nuts. I didn't look at her and continued to keep "busy." She ate her cereal...gross! and brought her bowl to the kitchen. I informed her this is the last time she gets a second chance, next time she doesn't eat when I tell her to she will go to school hungry and she said ok.

So today we go down for breakfast. "Ok guys! What would you like for breakfast? Apple oatmeal? cereal? eggs?"
Tyler "cinnamon toast crunch!"
Madi "nothing!"
Me "Madi you will be hungry then!"
Madi "No I won't!" I was fuming. Wiseass!
That's when her father comes in "c'mon Madi, stop being so difficult! You have to eat breakfast!"
Me: "Well it's too late, I only offer once."

So my daughter was sent to school today without any breakfast. She'll probably eat the plastic off the lunchbox she'll be so hungry by lunchtime, but this will teach HER a lesson...hopefully. I informed her teacher of this morning's episode so that she was aware of why she would be so hungry at snack time and she too thought this would teach her a lesson...hopefully.

Independence Day!

So today is day 3 of back to school and Madison actually did not bitch about going to school last night or this morning! yippee!!!! Nor did she nag about going to grandma and grandpa's house after school! Holy cow!!! I'm thinking I can not talk about this outloud and jinx myself so I will have to just write about it here. Perhaps my daughter has been possessed by a non nagging child? do those even exist? I think my Madison is growing up finally! I KNOW Tyler is! He's going to kindergarten on his own now, doesn't need me to walk him to class, he goes on his own, gets himself undressed and stuff in his locker and his bum into the classroom.

It's funny how I realize that kids all have their own little quirks and we as parents do just need accept which quirks are personality differences and which quirks can be and SHOULD be altered and/or corrected. Like this morning for example, I was standing back waiting for Madison to get her self "undressed", meaning coat in her locker, hats and gloves and scarf in her locker, lunchbox away and got her folder and water bottle out to bring in with her. I dont help her so that she has that independence part at least. But then I notice that another little girl who goes into school on her own at the locker next to Madison was standing there talking to Madison was scratching her little bum...but she was wearing a little skirt and pantyhose and she was scratching her bum with her pantyhose almost pulled down...well pulled down enough so that her bum was exposed! In the hallway! So these may be behaviors that should be addressed. i'm huge on manners. These behaviors need to be addressed. I know as my kids were growing and had the speech delays I used to force them to say Hi and address ppl they knew and their teachers would ask me not to force them...I disagreed.

I think it's important for us as parents to help our kids to grow up and be a part of society and help improve society. We should not be enabling them to drag society down. We should not be allowing them to be spoiled. Yes we should give them opportunities we were not given, but that should help them to better themselves to the opposite. I see kids who can not at the age of 4 feed themselves because their parents or nannies do it for them! why? kids who can not dress themselves. Then we have the older breastfeeders. We laugh when we see them. Are we really breastfeeding them for their health? Maybe...but what about their mental health? I just watched "Grown Ups" and one of the kids was like 5 and still breastfeeding which brought back a memory I had of a kid who did that right in front of me on a commuter train! This was BC times for me (Before Children). Was the mother being selfish? Does she really need to feel like she was so needed that she was going to make her grown child continue to breastfeed instead of helping him/her to be on their own? I mean for real!

Parents work a lot, and with that comes a lot of guilt. I feel it. To compensate we want to give our kids everything but we have to remember what that is doing to our children. I'm guilty of this. I have taken my kids on a couple of vacations, but nothing crazy...and yes they have a vast selection of video games. However they do still remember who is in charge. They knew how to act in a restaurant or not to act. Kids will be kids and they need to be kids, but there needs to be boundaries set and I think parents forget that sometimes. We can't be their friends, we are their parents.

Kids are so smart at such a young age, they know which buttons to push and if you let them do something once oh boy they will expect it time and time again. Example: my brother had let my kids change the dvd on the dvd player once at his house. From that day on they would go and push the buttons on the dvd player, he says no they still did it, because he let them do it before, and so he went through the pangs of having to say no everytime they went over there. At home they know that they are not to touch the tv OR the dvd player and we never had that problem. We never had to get tv button guards for our tv or any of that.

Help your kids grow up independent!

Night and Day...

My twins are really like night and day. Tyler who I thought was going to be the "momma's boy" is growing up to be the more independent little man, going off to kindergarten by himself and just becoming quite the social butterfly. Madison, on the otherhand...my first one to walk and so I thought "she'll be the first one to fly the coop" has come back! and has come backwards and reverted. She is now again having separation anxiety, or well what seems to be separation anxiety from me.

So I thought about it long and hard and thought that perhaps it because I am always working and my time spent with her is limited. It's tough since I am a mortgage broker and sometimes when my phone rings, it rings and I have to take a call...and my kids know this. They have been growing up with this since birth. I've never had a nanny and have juggled this with my kids and we just make do, and I have to admit that they have been as cooperative as I can expect from twins of young age. I remember when they were still 3 and 4 years old and the minute I got on the phone with a client they kids would whip open the freezer and the popsicles would fly out and there was nothing I could do...but that was ok :) and I digress... So this winter vacation we were not going anywhere, and it's traditionally slow at work so I spent the 2 weeks devoted to my kids. We played Scrabble Jr, Wii, Guess Who?, went sledding, built snowmen, and watched movies. It was great, both kids were happy, and she seemed really happy. This was great, but reality is that we can't stay a single income family year round so back to real life...

It's just so frustrating because I thought by now they would have out grown it and when she was doing so well! She now begins to cry the night before she knows she has school or girl scouts because she knows she'll be away from me. I tell her she's silly and that I'm always there to pick her back up and so she needs to stop the craziness. I know she is trying to play me and she IS persistent, I give her that, but she is going...I don't care how much she cries. So I pick my battles. In 2011, I will not bug her about her overnight pull ups, I will not bug her about walking into her school alone, all I ask is that she does not bitch and moan and cry about going to school and girl scouts. I need her to try and relax and enjoy this time as a kid. The minute she does bitch and moan about going to school or Girl Scouts I will not accompany her into the school. Maybe she isn't like me all loud and obnoxious, or her brother who wants to play with friends and do sports. I'll just accept her for being a "homebody" and let her stay by my side...I guess there is nothing "wrong" with that...right? We just live in this world now where kids all have these activities and schedules where they are busier than their parents and I have come to realize and remember that when I was younger I didn't. I was lucky to have 1 sport or an afterschool activity...Madison doesnt even want to do that...but fine, that's her. We'll see how well this works.