Privacy Please?!

I think my husband and I will have to become penpals if we want to be able to communicate without the kids knowing what we are talking about...but everything is done electronically and knowing my kids they'll probably learn how to hack into our emails and read our emails we'll lose that option too! Are we going to have to learn another language? I expressed this concern to him the other night and Madison came out of nowhere and said "you can learn sign language!" Thank you Madison, and I would do it too if I was confident that you wouldn't pick up on it and find out what we were saying! The other night I was feeling like I needed some chips, I was PMS-ing horribly and just needed the snack as we watched a show on the DVR after the kids are in bed. So I said to my husband, "let's have some ip-chay after they are in bed", he replies "what? what's that? i don't know what you are saying!" Madi chimes in "say it again, I know! What is it mommy? say it!" and I explain " i can't spell it because it's an easy enough word that the kids will sound it out and they will know and will never go to sleep and if i say it the same result, so just forget it! ugh!" Brainiac then replies "oh i know does the brand end in ys?" (as in Lays) and I reply yes, but too late, Madi goes "oh! chips!" Nothing goes by this one! The kids have been learning how to sound out letters and form words, my husband is not fast enough for me to spell words quickly for him to know what I am saying without the kids hearing so I have to spell it slowly, but by then the kids have already figured it out and then THEY tell HIM what I wanted to tell him. So I'm giving up...maybe it wasn't meant to be for me to talk to my husband anymore! LOL! and I'm not deliberately trying to keep secrets from him, I just can't tell him without the peanut gallery listening. Now you may ask why don't I tell him AFTER the kids are in bed? It's easy. If you have kids, and most of you reading this blog do will know that after you have children there is no such thing as a "memory" so by the time you are able to tell him, you would have forgotten you even had a secret to tell him, nevermind what the hell that secret even was! I was having a phone conversation with a friend the other day and our kids are in the same class. My kids weren't home, but hers were. So she had to talk in code. Have you ever played charades over the phone? It is hard! It's like a cross between Charades and Taboo, because you can't use certain words or names otherwise your child or children will now what or god forbid WHO you are talking about and then forget it, it's broadcasted all over school. It's true when they say don't worry about your kids not talking yet...because when they do you just can't get them to stop!

Play Ball!

As we approach Spring so does baseball season, soccer season, and any kind of sport season that can suck money out of your wallet and time from your day...well the time is well worth it as long as your kids have fun doing it. You'll only have this opportunity once when the sport is still fun and it's not competitive. Tyler is still only 6 and kindergarten so it's Tball. We did it last year too and forced Madison to do it as well so that she had a taste of it, but she hated it and wouldn't participate...although she has a pretty good swing and can hit the ball pretty well and can throw and catch...but I'm not going to force her so it will just be Tyler this year. I'm not sure what it's like in other towns, but you see some of these kids show up all geared up but just not knowing what to do with themselves! The pressures they get from their father's to play well and you have wonder, "dude! what do you expect from your kid? we're hitting off of t's!" Granted, yes, there are some kids who are well...just not made for sports and are painful to watch even with a T. And you can almost feel his father's pain...but it's OK! there ARE worse things in life! The funny thing is I'm pretty sure many of these fathers are living vicariously through their sons' lives, and are trying to prove their manlihood through their son...but you know what they say! "Size doesn't matter!" so maybe we should leave it alone. He could be a doctor like you? a proctologist pays well right? The crazy lives that these kids lead with all the sports are insane...and these are kindergartners. Soccer, basketball, baseball, afterschool activities, and we get the kids involved "not for the sport but for the social aspect". I also think that team building and learning to be a team member is important and for the kids to feel like they are a part of something special is so great for them. But I've heard dad's pull their kids aside giving them "peptalks" and putting all this pressure on their kids, it's so sad. Kids were telling me "my dad said I have to hit it this way," or "I have to throw it like this." Believe it or not I overheard a conversation amongst these kindergartners about which sport they should play because it pays more! These dads need to realize that they are already grown, their penises are not growing anymore...no matter how well their kids do in sports, so drop it. Let them have fun and just play and develop for now.

Can't we just be happy?

Poor Madison. 6 years old and already a teenager. Just confirmed by her kindergarten teacher. I had my parent teacher conference yesterday. Academically she's moving along, I mean yes she hits bumps here and there and mixes up sounds here and there, but hey she's chinese and comes from a family that speaks a little of both and so I give her that. She's quiet at school...but when she comes home and the behavior I describe of her at home...she's a teenager.

I know they start early these days...but at 6?!?! If preteens or tweeny years now start at 10 and mine is now 6 I'm suppose add on 4 years to that?!?! I can't! This morning she decides she wants to wear her new outfit we bought last weekend. Very cute poofie skirt with black leggings and a t shirt with a rocker girl's face on it with a little glitter layered with a black shirt. Loved it. Well then the complaints rolled in...the t shirt is too long and covered the skirt and if you pulled up the t shirt the girl's face isn't straight...OMG!

I am so struggling to find that common ground with my daughter. My husband and I are both sports people and so is Tyler and thought she would be too since we started them young. But she told us at a young age that nope, she didn't like it, she did try it, but did not like it. We are doing Daisy Scouts where they do arts and crafts and yoga and sing songs and nope, she doesn't like that! she just wants to stay home. But even at home she claims to be bored and isn't happy. Please buy me a vowel, throw me a bone...anything!

How can a child in today's world with so many opportunities offered to her have so much to complain about and be upset about? I'm not shoveling her off and not being with her. I just want her to experience and learn about things out there and to expand her skills. She can be a great artist! She has great drawing skills! She loves to draw...at home. I would have LOVED to have had these opportunities when I was her age, but could not because my parents were always at work and I was at my aunt's house who took care of us while my parents worked.

When is it "too much"?

I don't want my kids to grow up being walked all over and picked on especially when I know they have that "oomph" in them, but I've always taught them to be forgiving and to try and walk away if other kids are just not being nice instead of trying to right the wrong. Especially Tyler, little boys right now are at the age where they are wrestling and fighting and punching, Tyler is pretty strong and can really hurt someone and I really don't want him hurting another child. But then again if that other child is punching Tyler and Tyler walks and the kid follows then I ask why don't you tell the teacher and he's concerned that the other kid will actually get in trouble...well geez Tyler! who cares if he gets in trouble?!? I love that he has such a big heart but sometimes it takes all that I have to keep from going in and just shoving that kid to the floor and sticking my tongue out at him....THERE! THAT'S for messing with MY kid! Blah! It is so hard for ME personally to try and contain myself and to be forgiving so that to be the role model for my children...but it IS soooo hard.

Then there is my tough girl Madison. She's tough at heart, but at school she's a little timid and if someone is mean to her or approaches her she will keep her mouth shut and won't defend herself. Why not baby girl? Mommy can't be with you all the time! and when that mean girl Camille comes around and tells you that you are trash you should tell her to look in the mirror! Ask her what her problem is. Ask her why she's so mean?! and then tell her your momma knows where you live! But of course that last thought was in the bubble in my head. So Madison keeps all this inside and brings it home to me and tells me she just doesnt know what to do. I tell her that she should tell the teacher and if she does get in trouble then that is not your fault because you didn't tell her to be mean, she did it herself. That's after I'd like her to sweep her feet and make her fall on her scrawny little ass! oops, mean mommy thoughts coming through!

Kids can be so mean. I realize my angels are not without horns. The kids were out on the driveway playing yesterday and some of the neighborhood kids came over to play as well and Madison goes "ugh, let's go inside Tyler, I don't want to see Christopher's face anymore." That's pretty mean. You can bet on it though when we came in she got spoken to right away and was warned that she will be in trouble if she spoke like that again. Ok, so that was mean. Now this morning, on the way to school, Madison and Tyler were bickering and one of the kids said to them "stop fighting or I will seriously hurt you both" and gave them this look, "do you want me to seriously hurt you?" and my kids looked at him like he had four heads. Obviously this was a mimic of what is said at home. When is it too much? When do we take what these little kids are saying seriously? When is it over the line?

A Little Too Much Like Momma...

It's true that by nature I like to take control of things. If something needs to be done lets not putz around and get the task at hand completed and if it appears that you are not going in the "right" direction or any direction then I will make sure you get there...with a smile of course. This is something I've learned to master over many many years...37 to be exact!

Madison has inherited that trait it appears. We saw signs of it since they were little, even with the lack of speech she would direct her brother to do things and he would comply! Let's just face it she came out of me screaming and the doctors came running and while she was in the NICU she would be screaming in her incubater and the nurses would go screaming so yes, my daughter is a "director".

So yesterday was Tyler's big day. We had his tooth extracted and the tooth fairy was finally going to visit our house that night. Problem: Madison did not have a tooth to put under her pillow so she will not be getting anything. Somehow, my daughter had convinced her brother to ask the tooth fairy for more money so that he can give some to her as well so that they can both go to the mall the next day to get something. Tyler having the biggest heart agreed as he wanted to share the exciting moment with his twin sister.

They both ran off to draft a letter to the tooth fairy. Tyler also wanted to keep the tooth and not have the tooth fairy take it away so that was his only stipulation. This is what the letter looked like:
Tofe fare: kan you gi me 2 dola and i keep my tofe tyler

When he woke up in the morning he found a dollar and the tooth still there, he was upset he did not get two, but I explained that it was just one tooth and the tooth fairy was on a budget. So he understood. When Madison woke up and realized what had happened she whipped into contingency plan right away. She all of a sudden was the nice older sister by a minute and said "Tyler, we should make sure we save your dollar. Let me put it in your piggy bank for you." My daughter did this to ensure that Tyler did NOT have any money to spend when we went to the mall later today, and by putting it in the piggy bank would accomplish just that!

My little girl is a smart cookie. I'm thinking she should grow up to be a corporate raider....

Honesty...what a breath of fresh air!

I have been volunteering at the elementary school a bit and helping out with the library during Madison and/or Tyler's class and helping out with Madison's Daisy Scout Troop. I can't explain just how much fun and how refreshing it can be to be around a group of innocent kids. The things they do and say just because! They will ask you something because they want to know, they will tell you something because they feel YOU need to know, and they will do something just because they want to do it.

There really isn't anything wrong with that. It's us adults who make it wrong and that's why WE have conflict. I sit there and observe and I find myself jealous! How many times have I wanted to tell someone " you smell funny!", or "I just don't like you", or "that picture is just not so good...you are not a good artist." Just be honest damn it!

So today we're walking to school and Tyler, Madi and their friend are running up ahead and all of a sudden Madi comes running back to me telling me that she hates their friend. Well friend's dad is standing right there, did I want to die? YES! Was Madi overreacting? Maybe...but maybe not, because our friend has a history of not being the best of friend and he and Madi has been butting heads for a while now. Although this time she was REALLY upset. She never cries in front of people and she was flat out bawling and screaming out she hated him. I really didn't know what to do because now both my kids have had gripes about friend before at one point or another, but what do I do?!

I have to say though, I'm thrilled that Madi was able to express this. My darling baby girl is speech delayed and the LAST thing I want is for her to bottle up all her feelings. I WANT her to express herself. So say it Madison! Be honest! If something or someone is bothering you just say it! Tell it like it is...we'll just tweak the wording later on in life. You're a girl growing to be a woman, hear you roar!

Tyler's Teeth...

So the talk of kindergarten has been Tyler's teeth, Tyler has to get the tooth out, Tyler has to go to the dentist, why? because he has cavities, where? in there! where? there! it's a riot how all these kids just dwell on things and it's not just Tyler's class, but in Madison's class too, because Madison had to share her brother's business with everyone in her class.

Madison got into the car afterschool yesterday and says "oh mom, we don't have to pull Tyler's tooth out. Holly says that the new one will just push the old one out, so we don't have to pull it." (Holly is a classmate of Madison's) "Oh really? that's great news! Is Holly a dentist?" "NO! She's in my class! But that's what she said!" hmmm...ok well then it must be true?!

Today was the 1st of the 3 appointments to fill in Tyler's cavities. Of course Madison had to know what the agenda was for the day, "ok, so we walk to school, you will drop me off and then you and Tyler will walk home, get the car, go to the dentist and then drop Tyler at school and then you go to work, right mom?" "Yes Madi." "OK." Tyler's nerves were getting the best of him and was getting antsy and was getting upset and was making up excuses about not going, he was even saying he was going to miss dancing in PE class today and didn't want to miss that! After he threw a tantrum about not doing sports in PE yesterday! So I said that we could stop by his classroom and find out what time PE is at and see if we could rush back, well, now we had to go over the agenda again! Good lord! So I change the subject, "Madison, tomorrow is Math Day, remember I can spend 15 mins in your class and 15 mins in Tyler's class, so which class will I go to first?", "Mom, let's talk about this tomorrow." Well! She told me! and that subject was closed.

As promised we got to school and we walked into Tyler's classroom to ask his teacher for their day's schedule, and as I was discussing it with her, Tyler's friend Austin walks up to Tyler and says "open your mouth." Tyler opens his mouth and his friend Austin gives him directions to move in different directions as he's looking around inside...these kids all think they're dentists! It's the funniest thing to watch and listen. What's funnier is that the "patient" obliges! When I ask him to open and let me see he doesn't...why?!

Thank you Madison...

Today was a big day, I was the "Mystery Reader" in Madison's kindergarten class today. So at 11:45 am, in the middle of the day, I stopped what I was doing, got myself to school for 11:45 so that I could spend 15 mins to read to Maddy and her friends. How great was that? My mom never did stuff like that for me and I used to want a "normal" mom like that so badly! But we are chinese and chinese moms just didn't do stuff like that. pffft!

So I walk into the class and all of Maddy's friends were so excited! "I knew it Maddy! YOUR mom is the mystery reader!" and they all saw me holding the "Biscuit" books in my hands and the buzz of excitement just ran across the room...well except for Maddy. You would have thought someone just ran her dog over. Good lord what is with my child?!?!?

So as the teacher got everyone to settle down she says "Madison, why don't you invite your mom over to sit so she can read to us?!" and I watched my daughter nodded NO with her head...well I didn't care, I walked over and chatted with her friends. THEY all seemed to like me and THEY all spoke to me except for my daughter. So I read the books that Maddy had picked out from home and then afterwards her teacher asked the class to thank me which they all did. Then she asked that they gave me a round of applause which they all did...except for my beloved daughter. So she goes, "Madison, don't you want to give your mom a round of applause?" and Maddy nods her head NO. I wanted to die and I laughed and her teacher laughs and says at least she's honest...which I have to agree she is...brutally honest! So then I wish everyone a nice rest of the afternoon and left and Maddy could not even say good bye to me.

Ok, I get it, she's shy, but I'm her freaking mother! She was IN me for 6 months for the love, if you're still shy after that I'm not sure what else could help you get over that shyness!!! I'm trying to be patient with her and to embrace Maddy and accept that she is shy and not into sports. Me, I'm loud and obnoxious, can talk to anyone and enjoy sports except for hockey and that other one with the disc and the person who looks like he's sweeping in front of it...I get it, we're not the same. I try and do quieter things with her with less people and things that SHE likes but still she's not enjoying it. I am not settling for her sitting at home and just turning into mush...she'll become...my mother in law. Thanks but no thanks. I will win this battle. Even if it kills me I WILL win, I will get her involved with something that she WILL enjoy damn it. She will SMILE and laugh when she is involved...I WILL find THAT activity!

And we have cavities...

FIVE to be exact. How did Tyler end up with 5 cavities? I'm not even sure. Juices are limited to once a day if any at all, and definitely no candy unless it's a special occasion. We floss and brush and with Plax and rinse with ACT. So....can someone please throw me a bone here?!?!? So they dentist had already suspected that Tyler just had that "kind of cavity prone" kinda mouth...and it could be genetics. Sorry, gotta blame it on the in laws. Because MY family didn't have these issues...and I don't have these issues! OY! WTF!

So I call the insurance company to find out how much this will run me and they ask you "how many surfaces are there?" Are they kidding me?! How many surfaces?!? The top surface! How do I know?! IF I knew...I would do this all myself and wouldn't need a dentist and therefore no insurance required! I then contacted my dentist who provided me with this great form with all the codes and a picture of the teeth that needed to be filled with all the surfaces and blah blah blah... I find out that the teeth that will only need one surface are covered 50%, but the ones that has two surfaces are not quite covered, well they are but minimally and they wouldn't even tell me by how little..."it depends on the contract". Oh and these are all baby teeth that will eventually fall out, but nonetheless we need to fill them because it could be years before they fall out and they could rot through by then and into the gums. But all I really heard was "please take your $1,000 and insert it in this toilet here like so. Now flush. No you don't have to put it all at once, you can do it in 4 installments if you wish."

Then on top of this he has a permanent tooth growing in in the front. REALLY exciting stuff right? Tooth fairy the whole thing...well the baby tooth is not budging, not even loose. But the new one is coming in fast and furious...and sideways! So...if the old and little doesn't come out soon..very soon, that will need to be pulled...more money to be deposited through the porcelain goddess. I love my baby boy, but I'm thinking perhaps tripping him as he is running at full speed and hope he hits his front tooth against the wall and knocks it out will do the trick? We sit there every night watching the American Idol with his mouth open and me wiggling the tooth like a mad woman...nothing.

I've even suggested that if he has nothing to do that he could sit there and gnaw on a piece of wood. Or a soccer ball, he used to do that as an infant, try to shove a huge playground ball into his mouth without success. The other night they came home and Madison reports to me, "mom! Tyler was biting on the soccer ball at grandma's house and it popped! and Grandpa tried to tape it back but it still leaks!" All these thoughts just ran through my head, but priorities, "Tyler, open your mouth, let me feel that tooth!" nope! still on tight! argh! "ok, what?! why were you biting on a soccer ball? what's wrong with you?!" "but mom! you told me to!" My mind was racing, crap! I need to stop thinking out loud! I know I thought of it, but did I really say it out loud?! and did he really pop a leather soccer ball with that tooth? geez! it is really stubborn! why doesn't it want to come out??? "Tyler, mommy was only kidding!" "ohhhhh!"

So the next day at my mom's house they showed me the soccer ball and thank goodness it was a beachball that looks like a soccer ball. phew! but yes, he did bite it and it did pop. My sanity level is slipping away here...